제9장 (The Power of a Parent’s Blessing)

Ch.9. BLESSING YOUR CHILD AT THE TIME OF MARRIAGE

결혼시에 자녀에게 축복하기

We now come to the sixth critical time of blessing in the life of a son or daughter. This is the blessing God intended to occur at the time of marriage. Not every son or daughter is called by God to be married, but most are. Just as a significant transition occurs at puberty from childhood to adulthood, another important transition takes place at the time of marriage from single life to married life. I believe God intended for every marriage to be blessed by both sets of parents. However, for many reasons in our culture today many couples are not blessed in marriage by their parents.

우리는 이제 아들이나 딸의 삶에서 여섯 번째 중요한 축복의 시기에 왔다. 이것은 하나님께서 결혼기에 일어나게 의도하신 축복이다.  모든 아들이나 딸이 결혼하게 하나님의 부르심을 받는 것은 아니나 대부분은 그러하다. 의미있는 변화가 사춘기에 아이됨에서 어른됨으로 일어나듯이 또 하나의 다른 중요한 변동이 독신의 삶에서 결혼생활로 결혼기에 일어난다. 나는 하나님께서 모든 결혼이 부모들 양쪽에 의하여 축복받는 모든 결혼을 의도하셨다고 믿는다. 아무튼 많은 이유들 때문에 오늘날 우리의 문화 안에서 많은 쌍들이 그들의 부모들에 의해서 결혼 안에서 축복을 받지 못한다. 

KEY ROLE PLAYER

주요 역할자

Both parents play a key role in blessing their children's marriage and releasing their son or daughter to be joined to a spouse. Either parent has the ability to bless and release or to curse and retain. This is why we have found it very important to include parents in the marriage preparation process. If parents understand their scriptural role to bless and release, it will make the transition from single life to married life much easier for the newly married couple.

두 부모 모두 그들의 자녀들의 결혼을 축복하고 그들 아들, 딸을 배우자에게 연합시키기 위하여 방출하는데 주요 역할을 한다. 부모는 축복하고 놓아주는 능력을 갖든지 혹은 저주하고 붙잡아 두는 능력을 갖든지 한다. 이것이 결혼 준비 과정에 부모들을 포함하는 것이 아주 중요하다고 발견한 이유이다. 만일 부모들이 축복하고 방출하는 그들의 성경적 역할을 이해한다면 그것은 새로 결혼한 커플을 위해서 독신생활에서 결혼 생활로 옮겨가는 것을  훨씬 더 쉽게 만들 것이다.

KEY QUESTION TO BE ANSWERED

대답해야 할 주요 질문 

 

The key questions to be answered by God or Satan at the time of marriage are: Am I really loveable? Do I really have what it takes to be someone's wife/husband? Will anyone love me and stick with me in covenant long-term? Since marriage is a lifelong covenant, many people experience great fear about choosing the right person.

결혼기에 하나님에 의해서든 사탄에 의해서든 대답을 들어야 할 주요 질문들은 이것들이다: 나는 정말로 사랑스러운가? 나는 정말 누군가의 아내/남편이 되기에 불가결한 것을 갖고 있나? 어떤 사람이 나를 사랑하고 언약 안에서 장기간 나에게 충실할까? 결혼이란 것이 장기간의 언약이기 때문에 많은 사람들이 올바른 사람을 선택하는데 대해 큰 두려움을 경험한다.

 

Parents have an opportunity at this time to tell their son or daughter, "Yes, you are completely adequate and prepared to be a husband/wife. You have everything you need spiritually, emotionally, and physically. We have prayed since the day you were born for God to bring you His choice of a wife/husband, and now He has. This is the right person at the right time, and we bless your marriage and future life together.“

부모들은 이 시기에 그들의 아들이나 딸에게 이같이 말할 기회를 갖는다. “암, 너는 한 남편/아내가 되기에 온전히 적합하고 준비되어 있다. 너는 영적으로, 정서적으로, 육체적으로 네가 필요한 모든 것을 갖고 있다.  우리는 네가 태어난 날부터 계속 기도해왔다. 하나님께서 너에게 그분의 최상품인 (God’s choice) 아내/남편을 너에게 데려오시기를.  그리고 지금 그분은 그렇게 하셨다. 이 사람은 적절한 시기에 바로 그 사람이고 우리는 너의 결혼과 미래의 삶을 함께 축복한다.

 

Unfortunately many parents are unable to bless the marriage of their son or daughter with integrity because they don't truly believe the bride- or groom-to-be is God's choice or that their child is ready to marry. Thus many parents are faced with the dilemma of either blessing a marriage they don't really believe in or withholding their blessing.

불행하게도 많은 부모들이 온전함으로 그들의 아들 혹은 딸의 결혼을 축복할 수 없는데 그 이유는 그들이 신부될 사람, 신랑될 사람이 하나님의 최상품 (God’s choice) 이라고 참으로 믿지 못하고 그들의 자녀가 결혼할 준비가 되어있다고 참으로 믿지 못하기 때문이다. 그래서 많은 부모들이 그들이 참으로 믿지 않는 결혼을 축복할 것인가, 그들의 축복을 보류할 것인가 딜렘마를 마주하고 있다.

 

 It was so important to God that parents bless their children's marriage that He put a protective provision in ancient Hebrew culture that made it almost impossible for a marriage not to be blessed by parents. In biblical Hebrew culture the parents were deeply involved in selecting their children's marriage partner. In some cases the parents chose their son's or daughter's spouse without giving their child much choice. Since the parents chose the marriage partners, they virtually always approved of the marriage.

하나님께는 부모들이 그들의 자녀들의 결혼을 축복하는 것이 그렇게 중요해서 하나님은 고대 히브리 문화 안에서 보호적인 규정을 두셨는데 그것은 결혼이 부모들에 의해서 축복받지 못하는 것이 거의 불가능하게 만드셨다. 성경적 히브리 문화에서 부모들은 그들의 자녀들의 배우자를 선택하는데 깊이 관여되었다. 어떤 경우들에 부모들은 그들의 자녀에게 많은 선택권을 주지 않고 딸이나 아들의 배우자를 선택했다. 부모들이 결혼 상대자를 선택했기 때문에 그들은 사실상 결혼을 승인한 것이다.
 

 I am not suggesting that we return to arranged marriages. I am merely making the point that it was so important to God that parents bless the marriage of their children that He made it almost impossible for that not to happen in biblical Hebrew culture. Even in our culture today I believe God wants families to learn to partner together in managing romantic relationships and selecting a marriage partner. If parents and their son or daughter are praying and seeking God together for God to bring His choice of a marriage partner, there is a much better chance the parents will bless the marriage than if the parents are not involved in the process. When sons and daughters manage their own romantic relationships and potential marriage partner selection process in isolation from their parents, there is a much greater chance that son or daughter will miss God's plan for a marriage partner.

나는 우리가 결정된 결혼들로 회귀해야 한다고 암시하고 있지 않다. 나는 그저 부모들이 그들 자녀들의 결혼을 축복하는 것이 하나님께는 너무 중요해서 하나님께서는 성경적 히브리 문화 안에서 그것이 일어나지 않는 것이 거의 불가능하게 만드셨다는 것을 주장하고 있는 것뿐이다. 오늘날 우리의 문화 안에서조차 내가 믿기는 하나님께서는 가정들이 낭만적인 인간관계를 운영하는 데서 또 결혼 상대자를 선택하는 데 있어서 함께 짝이 되는 것을 배우기 원하신다고 믿는다. 만일 부모들과 그들의 아들이나 딸이 하나님께서 그분의 최상의 결혼 상대자를 데려오시도록 함께 기도하고 찾고 있다면 부모들이 그 과정에 관여되지 않은 것보다 그 결혼을 축복할 훨씬 더 좋은 기회가 있다. 아들들과 딸들이 그들 자신의 낭만적인 관계들과 가능한 결혼 상대방 선택 과정을 그들의 부모들과 따로 운영할 때 아들이나 딸이 결혼 파트너를 위한 하나님의 계획을 놓칠 아주 더 큰 기회가 있다. 

BLESSING AND CURSING AT THE TIME OF MARRIAGE

결혼기에 축복과 저주

 

 Almost every culture in the world embraces the concept of marriage in some form. In most cultures the blessing of the parents at a wedding plays a key role in releasing the newly married couple to prosper in their new life together.

세상의 거의 모든 문화는 어떤 형식으로 결혼의 개념을 포옹한다. 대부분 문화에서 결혼식에서 부모들의 축복은 새로 결혼한 쌍이 그들의 함께 하는 새 생활에서 번창하게 놓아주는데 주요 역할을 한다.

 

Blessing at the time of marriage may include the following key components:

결혼기의 축복은 다음과 같은 주요 요소들을 포함한다:  

 

1. Both sets of parents being in agreement with their son or daughter about the

    choice of marriage partner and the timing of the marriage

2. Both sets of parents attending the wedding ceremony and blessing the marriage

3. Each set of parents joyfully receiving the new son-/daughter-in-law as a part of their family

4. Both sets of parents willingly releasing their son/ daughter spiritually and emotionally

    to be joined to a wife/husband to become a new family unit

1. 양가의 부모들 모두가 (both sets of parents) 결혼 파트너의 선택과 결혼의 시기에

    대해 그들의 아들이나 딸과 합의. 
2. 양가의 부모들 모두가 결혼예식 참석과 그 결혼을 축복
3. 한쪽 부모가 (each set of parents) 즐겁게 새 사위/며느리를 그들의 가정의

    일원으로 받아들임
4. 양가의 부모들 모두가 그들의 아들/딸을 영적으로, 정서적으로 기꺼이놓아주어

    그 아들/딸이 아내/남편에게 소속해서 새로운 가정 단위가 되게 해줌

     

Cursing at the time of marriage may entail such things as:

결혼기에 저주가 다음과 같은 것들을 수반할 수 있다:

 

1. Either or both sets of parents disagreeing with their child's choice of a marriage

   partner or with the timing of the marriage, and maintaining that the person is the

   wrong choice and the marriage won't last

2. Either or both sets of parents refusing to attend the wedding ceremony and

    refusing to bless or actively cursing the marriage of their son/ daughter

3. Either or both sets of parents rejecting the new son-/daughter-in-law and

    refusing to receive him/ her into their family

4. Either or both sets of parents refusing to allow their son/daughter to emotionally

    or spiritually leave father and mother, thus blocking their child from appropriately

    being joined to the wife/hus- band as a new family unit

1. 양가 중의 한쪽 혹은 양쪽 부모들이 그들의 자녀의 결혼 상대자의 최상의 선택과

    결혼의 시기에 동의치 않음과 그 사람은 잘못된 선택이고 그 결혼이 지속하지 않을 것이라는 주장
2. 양가 중의 한쪽 혹은 양쪽 부모들이 결혼식에 참석을 거부하고 축복을 거부하거나

    적극적으로 그들 아들/딸의 결혼을 저주함

3. 양가 중의 한쪽 혹은 양쪽 부모들이 새 사위/ 며느리를 배척함과  그/그녀를 그들

    가정 안으로 받아들이기를 거부함
4. 양가 중의 한쪽 혹은 양쪽 부모들이 그들의 아들/딸이 정서적으로 영적으로

    아버지와 어머니를 떠나는 것을 허락하기를 거부함. 그래서 그들의 자녀가

    새로운 가정 단위로 아내/남편에게 합당하게 가입됨을 막는 것

POTENTIAL CONSEQUENCES OF BLESSING AND CURSING IN MARRIAGE

결혼에 있어서 축복과 저주의 가능한 결과들

 

 Let's now look at some of the consequences of blessing and cursing in marriage. When both sets of parents bless a marriage, it usually brings the children a greater sense of peace and security. They have nothing to prove to their parents and are able to let the Holy Spirit lead them in their marriage.

자, 결혼에 있어서 축복과 저주의 결과들 몇 가지를 보자. 부모들이 다 결혼을 축복할 때 그것은 보통 자녀들에게 더 큰 평안감과 안전감을 가져온다. 자녀들은 그들의 부모들에게 증명할 어떤 것도 갖지 않고 그들의 결혼에서 성령님이 그들을 인도하게 허락할 수 있다.

 

On the other hand, when parents 'have cursed their children's marriage, the children are highly motivated to disprove the problems the parents foresaw. If the parents have said such things as, "This marriage won't last six months," "You're marrying the wrong person," or "You're too young to get married," then children will commonly want to prove them wrong.

반면에, 부모들이 그들의 자녀들의 결혼을 저주했을 때 그 자녀들은 부모들이 미리 본 문제들을 논박할 높은 동기가 주어진다. 만일 부모들이 이와 같은 것들을 말했다면 그 자녀들은 보통으로 그것들이 잘못되었다고 증명하기를 원할 것이다. “이 결혼은 6개월을 지속하지 못할 거야,” “너는 잘못된 사람과 결혼하고 있다,” “너는 너무 젊어서 결혼할 수 없어.” 

 

When parents make statements such as these-words that curse the identity of a son or daughter-the child's soul will certainly be out of peace. Because the adult child is working to disprove the parents' words, his heart is not free to be led by the Holy Spirit in marriage. Instead the flesh is continually motivating the child to bring peace to his soul by proving the parents wrong. Both individuals in the marriage then labor under the curse of the parents to attempt to disprove their words.

부모들이 아들이나 딸의 정체성을 저주하는 이런 말들을 발설할 때 그 아이의 영혼은 분명히 평화를 잃을 것이다. 성인이 된 자식은 부모들의 말들을 논박하기 위하여 일을 하고 있으므로 그의 마음은 결혼에서 성령님의 이 인도를 받을 만큼 자유하지 않다. 그 대신에 육이 (육肉 the flesh, 역자 첨부: 성령님의 인도를 거스리는 인간의 죄악적인 본능을 가리킴. 롬 8:3-9 에 육과 성령을 언급한 것을 참고하실 것) 아이로 하여금 부모가 잘못되었다고 논박함으로써 자기 영혼에 평안을 가져오게 끊임없이 동기를 만들고 있다. 결혼에서 두 개인들은 (남편과 아내) 부모들의 저주 아래서 부모들의 말을 반박하는 시도를 하려고 노력한다. 

 

A second consequence is that children who were not blessed by their parents in marriage usually don't develop a friendship with their parents and therefore can't enjoy a close relationship with them throughout their adult lives. This may strain the relationship with any grandchildren who may be born.

두 번째 결과는 결혼에서 그들의 부모에 의해서 축복을 받지 못한 자녀들은 보통으로 그들의 부모들과 친교를 발전시키지 않고 그래서 그들의 성인의 생활을 거치면서 부모들과 친근한 교제를 즐길 수 없다. 이것은 태어날 손자 손녀들과의 관계를 긴장시킬 수 있다.

 

BLESSING LOOSES WHILE CURSING BINDS

축복은 풀어주는 반면 저주는 묶는다

 

 Yet another consequence of parents not blessing an adult child's marriage is that the married son or daughter cannot properly leave the parents and be joined to a wife or husband. Blessing tends to give the child the spiritual and emotional ability to leave father and mother, while cursing tends to bind the heart of a child spiritually and emotionally to the parents. In ministering to thousands of married couples through the years, I have discovered that much marital conflict is rooted in an inability to properly cleave (be joined) to a spouse because the individual's heart never spiritually and emotionally left his parents. (See Genesis 2:24.) When one doesn't leave, it is impossible to cleave. Obviously this is not a geographic leaving but a spiritual and emotional one.

그렇지만 부모들이 성년 자녀의 결혼을 축복하지 않음의 또 다른 결과는 그 결혼한 아들이나 딸이 적합하게 부모들을 떠나 아내 혹은 남편에게 연합할 수 없는 것이다. 축복은 자녀에게 아버지나 어머니를 떠날 영적인 또 정서적인 능력을 주는 경향인데 반면 저주는 자녀의 마음을 영적으로 또 정서적으로 부모에게 묶는 경향이 있다. 한 해에 수 천의 부부들에게  봉사하면서 나는 많은 결혼의 갈등이 적합하게 배우자에게 연합할 능력이 없음에 뿌리를 두고 있다는 것을 발견했다. 왜냐하면 개인의 마음이 영적으로 또 정서적으로 그의 부모들을 떠나지 않았기 때문이다. (창 2:24을 보시라). 사람이 떠나지 않을 때 착 달라붙는 것은 (cleave) 불가능하다. 분명히 이것은 지리적 떠남이 (leaving) 아니라 영적이고 정서적인 떠남이다. 

 

 God designed men to be secure in their masculine identity through their parents' blessing and then to lead, protect, and fight for their wives. Yet a man who has not been blessed by his parents will usually look to his wife to make him feel like a man. Such a man will not lead, protect, and fight for his wife. Instead he will protect himself, fight with his wife, and abdicate his leadership in the family.

하나님께서는 남자들이 그들 부모들의 축복을 통해서 그들의 남성적 정체성 안에서 안전하고 그리고나서 그들의 아내들을 위해 이끌고 보호하고 투쟁하도록 계획하셨다. 그런데도 남자가 그의 부모들에 의해서 축복을 받지 못했으면 보통은 그로 하여금 남자처럼 느끼게 만들어 줄 그의 아내를 기대할 것이다. 이런 사람은 그의 아내를 위하여 이끌고 보호하고 투쟁하지 않을 것이다. 대신에 그는 자신을 보호하고 그의 아내와 싸우고 가정에서 그의 지도력을 포기할 것이다.
 

God designed a woman to trust her husband to protect and fight for her, thus allowing her to respect and submit to him. A woman who has never been blessed by her parents will usually not trust her husband because she could not trust her father. Because of this distrust, she will neither respect nor submit to her husband. Instead she will protect herself, fight with her husband, and undermine or usurp his authority in the family.

하나님께서는 한 여성이 그의 남편이 자기를 위해 보호하고 싸워주기를 신뢰하게금 계획하셨다. 그래서 그녀가 남편을 존경하고 복종하게 허락하셨다. 자기 부모들에게 축복을 받아본 적이 없는 여성은 보통 그녀의 남편을 신뢰하지 않는 법이다. 왜냐하면 그녀가 자기 아버지를 신뢰할 수 없었기 때문이다. 이 불신 때문에 그녀는 그의 남편에게 존경도 복종도 하지 않을 것이다. 그 대신에 그녀는 스스로를 보호하고 그녀의 남편과 싸우고 가정에서 그 남편의 권위를 약화시키고 그의 지도력을 강탈할 것이다.
 

As I have ministered to married couples, I have found that many times a primary mechanism that binds the heart of an adult child to a parent is the child's judgment and bitterness. Hebrews 12:15 tells us that bitterness in my heart will defile not only me but many other people as well. How does this work?

내가 결혼한 부부들을 섬기며 지낼 때 나는 여러 번 성인 아동이 마음을 그의 부모에게 붙들어매는 주요 메커니즘은 (mechanism: 무의식적 수단, 기제機制) 그 아이의 판단과 비통함이다. 히 12:15은 내 마음 속의 비통은 나를 더럽힐 뿐만 아니라 또한 다른 많은 사람들을 더럽힌다고 말한다. 이런 일이 어떻게 작용하는가?

 

Unfortunately the human soul is like a camera and reproduces deep inside the image of its focus. You cannot focus your camera on the lion at the zoo but desire and expect the camera to produce a photo of the elephant. You will get a picture of the lion upon which you focused the camera, not the elephant you desired. Desire does not produce image; emotional focus does. Judgment and bitterness create deep inside an emotional focus on the very quality judged in another, regardless of the intention to produce in one's own life just the opposite. Thus while growing up, if a child is treated with injustice and cursing and is never blessed by parents, he may judge and isolate from his parents in his heart.

불행하게도 인간의 영혼은 카메라와 같고 내면 깊은 데서 초점을 맞춰 그 이미지를 재생산한다. 당신은 동물원의 사자에 사진기 초점을 맞출 수 없으나 카메라가 코끼리의 사진을 생산하기를 바라고 기대한다. 당신은 바라는 코끼리가 아니라 당신이 카메라로 찍은 사자의 사진을 얻을 것이다. 욕구는 이미지를 생산해 내지 않는다. 정서적 주안점이 이미지를 생산한다. 판단과 비통은 두는데 자신의 삶 속에서 정반대의 것을 생산하기 위한 그 의도와는 상관없이 그러는 것이다. 그래서 성장하면서 만일 아이가 불의와 저주로 취급을 받고 부모들에게 결코 축복을 받지 않으면 그는 판단하고 마음 속에서 그의 부모들과 절연한다.
 

 This child then goes into marriage with an image deep in the heart containing negative qualities judged in a parent. Because of the principle of sowing and reaping (every seed reproduces after its own kind), this image has potential to reproduce in the life of the adult child the very qualities hated in the parent. Or worse yet, an adult child may tend to view his marriage partner through the negative image of the judged parent, thus creating an unconscious expectation that the spouse will become just like the parent. This seed of bitterness in the heart then may reproduce in the marriage partner the exact qualities judged in a parent. Let me give you a practical example.

이 아이는 그래서 부모 안에서 판단받은 부정적인 자질을 포함하는 마음 속 깊은데 있는 이미지를 가지고 결혼생활로 진입한다. 뿌리고 거두는 원리 때문에  (모든 씨앗은 그 종류를 따라서 재생산한다) 이 이미지는 부모 안에서 미움을 받은 바로 그 자질들을 성인 아동의 삶에서 재생산하는 잠재력을 갖는다. 혹은 더욱 나쁘게도 성인 아동은 그의 결혼 상대자를 볼 때 부모 안에서 판단받은 부정적 이미지를 통해 바라보는 경향이 있을 수 있다. 그래서 배우자가 그 부모와 똑같이 될 것이라는 무의식적인 예상을 만들어낸다. 마음 속의 비통의 씨앗은 그래서 결혼 상대자 안에서 부모 안에서 판단받은 정확한 자질들을 재생산할지 모른다. 내가 실제적인 예를 들고자 한다.  

 

 

SEED ALWAYS BEARS FRUIT AFTER ITS OWN KIND

씨앗은 항상 그 종류를 따라 열매를 맺는다

 

Suppose a young woman named Mary grows up with a hypercritical father, whom she judges. She then vows to never marry a critical man like her father. Meanwhile a young man named Tom grows up with an undisciplined, obese mother, whom he judges. He then vows to never marry an overweight woman like his mother.
메리 (Mary) 라는 이름을 가진 한 젊은 여성은 비판이 지나친 아버지와 살면서 성장하는데 그 아버지는 그녀를 판단하는 사람이라고 상상해보자. 그래서 그녀는 자기 아버지처럼 비판적인 남자와는 결코 결혼하지 않을 거라고 맹세한다. 한편으로 톰이란 이름의 남자 청년이 어머니와 살면서 성장하는데 그 엄마는 자제심이 부족하고 비만한 엄마로서 아들은 그 엄마를 비판한다. 그 아들은 자기 엄마처럼 과체중의 여성과 결코 결혼하지 않겠다고 맹세한다.

 These two young people meet and marry. Tom is very accepting and kind—nothing like Mary's father. Mary has a beautiful figure, unlike Tom's mother, and is also a wonderful cook. In an attempt to bless her husband, Mary cooks wonderful meals every evening. However, the food she cooks is a little too rich for her, and she gains a couple of pounds. Because Tom is yet bound in his heart to his mother, without realizing it he views Mary through the image of his mother. Her small weight gain greatly alarms him, and he gently confronts his wife about her figure. Mary, who is still bound in her heart to her dad, hears Tom's words through the image of her father. Being deeply wounded by Tom's criticism, Mary reacts with a very emotional response. A serious argument then ensues as Tom continues to express his deep concern about Mary's weight.

이 두 청년들이 만나서 결혼한다. 톰은 수용적이고 친절해서 매리의 아버지와 전혀 같지 않다. 매리는 아름다운 외모를 가져서 톰의 엄마와 같지 않다. 그리고 또 놀라운 요리사이다. 그녀의 남편을 축복하려는 시도로 매리는 매일 저녁 놀라운 음식들을 요리한다. 아무튼, 그녀가 요리하는 음식은 그녀에게는 다소 영양이 과하다. 그리고 그녀는 2파운드 체중이 오른다. 톰이 여전히 그 마음으로 자기 엄마에게 매어있기 때문에  그것을 깨닫지 못하고 그는 자기 엄마의 이미지를 통해 매리를 바라본다. 그녀의 조금 늘어난 체중이 그를 크게 놀라게 한다. 그리고 그는 그 용모에 대해 점쟎게 그 아내를 대결한다. 매리는 그녀의 마음으로 그녀의 아빠에게 아직 매어 있는데 자기 아버지의 이미지를 통해 톰의 말들을 듣는다. 톰의 비판에 깊히 상처를 받았으므로 매리는 아주 정서적인 반응으로 반응한다. 톰이 매리의 체중에 대해 깊은 관심을 표현하기를 계속할 때 그래서 심각한 논쟁이 일어난다.

Being under the additional emotional pressure of her husband's criticism, Mary begins snacking a little between meals and gains another couple of pounds. Tom, of course, is now even more alarmed and confronts Mary again, resulting in another highly emotional argument. If Tom and Mary never identify and repent of the way their hearts are still bound to their parents through judgment and bitterness, their marriage will soon consist of a very disappointed and critical husband and a very wounded and overweight wife.

그녀가 자기 남편의 추가적인 정서적 압박 아래 있으므로 매리는 식사와 식사 사이에 약간의 간식을 시작했고 또 2파운드의 체중이 불었다. 톰은 물론 더욱 더 놀라고 다시 매리를 대결하고 결국은 또 다른 고도의 정서적 논쟁을 초래했다. 만일 톰과 매리가 상대방을 그들 부모들과 동일시 하지 않고 그들의 마음이 판단과 비통을 통해서 여전히 그들 부모들에게 묶여있는 방식을 회개하지 않는다면 그들의 결혼생활은 곧 아주 낙심되고 비판적인 남편과 아주 상처 입은 과체중의 아내로 구성될 것이다.

 

My family once lived next to a woman who was about to divorce her third husband. When I asked her what her experience had been with her three husbands, she proceeded to tell me that they all had manifested the same types of addictions and serious dysfunction that her father had dealt with. I asked her if these three men were like that before she married them. She acknowledged that the first one had some of those characteristics, but that neither of the others had behaved that way at all before they married her.

내 가정은 한 때 한 여성의 옆집에 살았는데 그녀는 세 번째 남편과 막 이혼하려는 중이었다. 내가 그녀에게 세 남편들과 지낸 경험이 무엇이었는지를 물었을 때 그녀는 그들이 다 자기 아버지가 처리해야 했던 중독들과 심각한 역기능들과 동일한 형태들을 드러냈다고 내게 말하기 시작했다. 나는 그녀에게 이 세 사람들이 그녀와 결혼하기 전에 그랬는지 물었다. 그녀는 첫째 남편은 그 특징들의 몇 가지를 가졌지만 다른 두 사람들은 그녀와 결혼하기 전에 전혀 그런 식으로 행동하지 않았다고 인정했다.
 

I asked this woman to what she attributed marrying three different men who all demonstrated the same negative character qualities she had despised in her father. My neighbor replied by saying, "I guess I just don't know how to pick them." As I heard her story, I wanted to ask, "Did you ever think you might be the one carrying the seed? It doesn't much matter what field you plant it in. Until you recognize and deal with it in your life, that seed of judgment and bitterness toward your father will yield the same fruit every time." I realized that she, unfortunately, was not yet ready to hear that word.
나는 이 여인에게 물었다. 그녀가 그 아버지 안에 그런 부정적인 인격 특성들이 있어서 그녀가 멸시했던 동일한 그 특성들을 드러낸 세 명의 다른 남자들과의 결혼을 하게 된 원인이 무엇인가를. 내 이웃인 그녀는 이같이 대답했다. “나는 그들을 택할 줄을 몰랐을 뿐이라고 추측해요.” 내가 그녀의 이야기를 들을 때 나는 이렇게 묻고 싶었다. “당신은 생각해 보기라도 했나요? 당신이 그 씨앗을 전달하는 사람일지도 모른다는. 당신이 그 씨앗을 어느 밭에 심느냐는 많이 중요치 않아요. 당신이 당신 삶에서 그것을 인식하고 그것을 처리하기까지 당신의 아버지를 향한 판단과 비통의 씨앗은 매 번 동일한 열매를 맺을 것이오.” 나는 그녀가 불행하게도 그 말을 들을 준비가 아직 안 되었다는 것을 깨달았다.

YOU'RE JUST LIKE MY MOTHER!

 당신은 내 엄마를 꼭 닮았어!

 

 Let me give you one more example of a couple for whom I prayed several years ago. A man I'll call Jim decided to cut himself off from his mother and managed to reproduce in his wife the very qualities he hated in his mom. Jim's wife came to me for help first, saying she loved Jim deeply but was considering divorce because circumstances in the marriage had made her life intolerable. She said Jim refused to take any type of responsibility at home. Now the bank was about to repossess their house, not because they didn't have enough money to pay the mortgage but because Jim "never got around" to making the payment.

내가 한 부부의 예를 더 들겠는데 내가 그들을 위해 여러 해 동안 기도한 부부이다. 내가 짐(Jim)이라고 부를 남자는 그의 어머니와 절연하기를 결심하게 된 자기 엄마 안에서 싫어한 바로 그 자질들을 그의 아내 속에서 재생산하려고 했다. 짐의 아내는 처음에 도와달라고 내게 왔고 그녀가 짐을 깊히 사랑하지만 이혼을 생각하고 있는데 이유는 결혼생활에서 환경들이 자기를 견딜 수 없게 만들었다고 말했다. 그녀의 말은 짐이 가정에서 어떤 형태의 책임도 지기를 거절했다는 것이다. 이제 은행은 그들의 집을 막 되찾아오려고 했는데 그들이 주택 담보대출금을 지불할 충분한 돈이 없어서가 아니라 짐이 지불을 하는 것에 관심을 갖지 않기 때문이었다. (never got around to making the payment).
 

 Jim knew it was his job to pay the bills, keep the yard, maintain the cars, shovel the walks in the winter, and so on, but he never really did any of those things. Consequently Jim's wife had begrudgingly taken over all of those responsibilities and was extremely weary and frustrated.
 I met Jim the following week. Initially I asked him how his marriage was going. He replied, "Oh, we have our ups and downs like everyone else, but we really love each other and have a good, stable marriage. I can't really complain about anything." There was quite a disparity between his and his wife's perception of the marriage. Jim was shocked when I told him that his wife was considering divorce.

짐은 돈을 지불하는 것, 정원을 지키는 것, 자동차들을 유지하는 것, 겨울에 도보에 눈을 치우기 등등이 그의 할 일이라고 알지만 그는 결코 그 일들의 어느 것도 실제로 하지 않았다. 결과적으로 짐의 아내는 불만을 품고 그 모든 책임들을 인수받았고 극도로 피곤하고 좌절하고 있었다.
나는 그 다음 주간에 짐을 만났다. 처음에 나는 그에게 그의 결혼생활이 어떻게 진행되고 있는지 물었다. 그는 대답했다, “오, 우리는 다른 사람들처럼 오르락 내리락하지요. (we have our ups and downs like everyone else) 그러나 우리는 정말로 서로 사랑하고 좋고 견고한 결혼생활을 하고 있어요. 나는 어떤 것에 대해서도 불평할 수 없지요.” 결혼생활에 대한 그의 인식과 그 아내의 인식은 아주 불일치가 있었다. 짐은 내가 그에게 그의 아내가 이혼을 고려하고 있다고 말했을 때 충격을 받았다.             
 

 I confronted Jim about the irresponsibility his wife reported. He acknowledged that he just seemed to "space out" all the time. At first I began to work with Jim on time management and goal setting, but try as I might, he still never fulfilled his responsibilities around the house. I began to understand his wife's frustration.

나는 그의 아내가 내게 말한 무책임에 대해 짐에게 증거를 들이댔다. 그는 자기가 항상 그저 “멍하니 있는”듯 보인다고 인정했다. 처음에 나는 시간 운영과 목표 설정에 대해서 짐과 함께 그것을 다루기를 시작했으나 내가 할 수 있을 만큼 애를 쓰지만 그는 여전히 그 가정을 둘러싼 책임들을 완수하지 못했다. 나는 그의 아내의 실망을 이해하기 시작했다.
 
 I then realized that there was a much deeper root. After we prayed together to ask the Lord to reveal the root of this problem, I felt led to ask Jim several questions about his mother, and the answers began to come. Jim was the younger of two children. His mother clearly favored his older sister and conveyed a message to him that he couldn't do anything right.
그래서 나는 훨씬 더 깊은 원인이 있다고 깨달았다. 우리가 주님께 이 문제의 원인을 보여달라고 구하기 위해 함께 기도했을 때 나는 그의 어머니에 대한 몇 가지 질문들을 짐에게 물어보라는 이끌림을 느꼈다. 그리고 그 대답들이 오기 시작했다. 짐은 두 자녀들 중의 동생이었다. 그의 어머니는 분명히 그의 누나를 좋아했고 짐에게는 그가 어느 것도 바로 할 수 없다는 메시지를 전했다. 

 Jim's mother wanted to spare him the embarrassment of making any mistakes, so she constantly redid everything he attempted so that it would be "right." When she asked Jim to set the table for dinner, she always came behind him and reset it after him because it was never to her satisfaction. She also instilled in him the belief that making a mistake was a terrible thing that should be avoided at all costs.

짐의 엄마는 그에게서 잘못들을 저지르고 당황하는 것을 감해주기를 원했다. 그래서 엄마는 끊임없이 그가 시도한 모든 것을 다시 해서 그것이 올바르게 되게 하려고 했다. 엄마가 그에게 저녁 식탁을 정리하라고 요구했을 때 엄마는 항상 그의 뒤로 와서 그의 뒤에서 다시 정리했다. 왜냐하면 그것이 그녀의 만족에 차지 않았기 때문이다. 그녀는 또한 잘못을 저지르는 것은 무슨 값을 치러서라도 피해져야만 하는 끔찍한 것이라는 믿음을 그에게 주입시켰다.

 Every time Jim's mom would redo one of his tasks and criticize him for the job he had done, it deeply wounded his heart. It was a form of cursing his identity and was very painful emotionally. It taught Jim from a very early age that he couldn't do anything to please his mother, so the best way to avoid being hurt and criticized was to not do anything at all for her. 

 After that point he was scolded for not completing the task he had been given, but to Jim that was far less painful than being chastised for doing it "wrong." Besides, his mom would come and do it the way she wanted anyway, so the task would still be accomplished.

짐의 어머니가 그의 과제들을 다시 하곤 하고 그가 한 일을 인하여 그를 비평할 때마다 그것은 그의 마음에 깊게 상처를 입혔다. 그것은 일종의 그의 정체성을 저주하는 것이고 정서적으로 아주 고통스러웠다. 그가 그의 어머니를 기쁘게하기 위해 어떤 것도 할 수 없다는 것이 아주 이른 나이 때부터 그를 가르쳤다. 그래서 상처받고 비난을 받기를 피하는 최선의 방법은 엄마를 위해 아무 것도 하지 않는 것이었다. 그 지점 이후에 그는 주어진 과제를 완수하지 못함을 인하여 책망을 들었으나 짐에게는 그것이 과제를 “나쁘게” 한 것을 인하여 징계를 받기보다는 훨씬 덜 고통스러웠다. 그 외에도 그의 엄마는 와서는 아무튼 그녀가 원하는 방식으로 그것을 하곤 했고 그래서 그 과제는 여전히 완성되지 않곤 했다.

When Jim married, what kind of woman do you think he looked for? You are right-someone who was the exact opposite of his mother. He found a wonderful Christian girl who loved Jim just the way he was and never criticized him as his mom used to do. Of course, Jim's wife did not meet his mother's expectations, and she constantly told him he could have done much better. Jim's mother never blessed their marriage or accepted Jim's wife.

짐이 결혼했을 때 당신 생각에 그는 어떤 종류의 여자를 찾았을 것 같은가?  당신 생각이 맞다. 그의 어머니와는 정반대의 사람이다. 그는 놀라운 기독인 소녀를 발견했는데 그녀는 그를 있는 그대로 사랑하는 사람이고 그의 엄마가 늘 하던 대로 그를 비난하지 않는 사람이었다. 물론 짐의 아내는 그의 어머니의 기대들을 만족시키지 못했고 그녀는 끊임없이 그에게 그가 훨씬 더 잘 할 수 있었을 거라고 말했다. 짐의 어머니는 결코 그들의 결혼을 축복하거나 짐의 아내를 받아들이지도 않았다.

Consequently Jim harbored bitterness toward his mother for all the cursing and criticism. Unbeknownst to Jim, this created patterns of expectancy in his heart that kept him tied to his mother deep inside. Without realizing it, he began to expect his wife to treat him the way his mother did. He expected her—and all women for that matter—to eventually criticize and reject him, even though his wife had never treated him that way. This was wreaking havoc in Jim's marriage because over time Jim began to force his wife into the same role his mother had played.

결과적으로 짐은 모든 저주와 비난을 인하여 그의 어머니를 향해 비통함을 품었다. 짐에게는 의식되지 않은 채 이것은 그를 마음 깊숙이 그의 어머니에게 묶어놓은 기대의 형태들을 만들어냈다. 그것을 깨닫지 못한 채 그는 그의 아내가 그의 엄마가 한 방식으로 그를 대하기를 기대하기 시작했다. 그는 그 문제 때문에 아내가 결과적으로 그를 비난하고 배척할 것을 예상했다. 그리고 모든 여성들도 그러리라고 예상했다. 비록 그의 아내가 결코 그런 식으로 그를 대하지 않았더라도. 이것은 짐의 결혼생활에 대파괴를 일으키고 있었다. 왜냐하면 여러 번 짐은 그의 어머니가 했던 똑같은 역할 속으로 그 아내를 밀어 넣기 시작했기 때문이다.

 

It was the unconscious fear of being criticized that caused Jim to default on all his domestic responsibilities. As a result, 

he had given his wife only three bad options:

짐이 그의 가정적 모든 책임들을 불이행하게 만든 것은 비난 받을까봐 무의식적으로 두려워하는 것이었다. 그 결과로서 그는 그의 아내에게 단지 세 가지 나쁜 선택사항들을 주었다.

 

 

1. Do nothing and watch everything around them deteriorate
2. Continue to nag Jim and try to get him to perform, usually with little success

    and great frustration
3. Give up and do it herself

1. 아무 것도 안 하고 그들 주변의 모든 것이 악화되는 것을 바라보는 것.
2. 짐에게 잔소리를 계속하고 그로 하여금 보통 작은 성공으로든 또 큰 좌절로든

    뭔가를 하게 애를 씀
3. 포기하고 그녀 스스로가 함

 

Initially she waited for Jim to do what he promised. Yet eventually, in frustration, she began to criticize and nag him just as his mother had done. This made Jim even more determined to avoid doing anything for fear that he would do it wrong and be further criticized. Eventually, much to Jim's relief, his wife chose the third option to just do things herself.

He thought everything was great, but she was frustrated beyond belief. Jim had forced his wife to be his mother instead of his spouse, inadvertently reproducing in his wife the same pattern of criticism and cursing his identity that he hated in his mother.

시초에 그녀는 짐이 그가 약속한 것을 하기를 기다렸다. 그럼에도 결국은 실망하여 그녀는 남편의 어머니가 했던 것처럼 남편을 비난하고 잔소리를 하기 시작했다. 이것은 짐으로 하여금 더욱 더 그가 그것을 잘못할까봐, 그래서 더욱 비난받을까봐, 두려워하여 어떤 것도 회피하게 만들었다. 결국 짐이 많이 안도하게 그의 아내는 자신이 일들을 그저 하기로 세 번째 선택을 했다.
짐은 모든 것이 크다고 생각했다. 그러나 아내는 믿음을 너머 좌절했다. 짐은 그의 아내가 그의 배우자 대신 그의 엄마가 되게 억지로 시킨 것이었다. 그리고 의도하지 않고 그가 그의 어머니 안에서 미워했던 동일한 형태의 비난과 그의 정체성 저주를 그 아내 안에서 재생산했다.

 

Until Jim could truly forgive his mother for constantly cursing his identity and then receive the Lord's blessing and impartation of his true identity and destiny, he would not be free to become one with his wife and be a proper husband to her. Once we identified Jim's root issue—the tie to his mother— Jim was able to break free from the judgment of his mom and the fear of failure. Much to his wife's delight, Jim was finally able to become the responsible husband God had created him to be. Many couples just like Jim and his wife have found tremendous healing when they realized that the root cause of their marital diffculties was that one or both of them were still tied to a parent who had not imparted his or her blessing.

짐이 참으로 그 어머니가 그의 정체성을 지속적으로 저주한 것 때문에 어머니를 용서하고, 그리고나서 주님의 축복과 그의 참된 정체성과 사명의 전달을 받아들이기까지는 그는 그의 아내와 하나가 되고 그녀에게 적합한 남편이 되기에는 자유롭지 못할 것이다. 과거 언젠가 우리는 짐의 근본의 문제 – 그의 어머니에게 묶여있는 것 – 확인하자 짐은 그의 어머니의 판단과 미래의 두려움으로부터 떨어져 나와 자유할 수 있었다. 그의 아내의 기쁨이 많아지도록 짐은 마침내 하나님이 그를 그런 사람으로 만드신 책임있는 남편이 되었다. 많은 부부들이 짐과 그의 아내처럼 그들의 결혼 상의 어려움들의 근본 원인이 그 부부 중 한 사람 혹은 두 사람이 다 여전히 축복을 전달하지 않은 부모에게 매어있는 것 때문이라고 깨달을 때 놀라운 치료를 찾았다.  

REFUSAL TO RELEASE CURSES THE IDENTITY OF MARRIED CHILDREN

놓아주기를 거절하는 것은  결혼한 자녀들의 정체성을 저주한다

Another potential way parents can curse the identity of their married children is to not allow them to emotionally leave home. It is sometimes very diffcult for parents to release their married children and allow them to be joined to a spouse. Even though they have blessed their child's marriage and received the marriage partner, they still want to make decisions for their married child. When this occurs, it is very important for the married child to set boundaries on what input he is willing to receive from his parents. He must also make sure his marriage partner is his first relational priority, not his parents.

부모들이 자기들의 결혼한 자녀들의 정체성을 저주할 수 있는 또 다른 가능한 방법은 그들이 정서적으로 가정을 떠나게 허락하지 않는 것이다. 부모들이 그들의 결혼한 자녀들을 놓아주고 그들이 배우자에게 합하기 허락하는 것은 종종 아주 어렵다.  그들이 자녀의 결혼을 축복하고 결혼 파트너를 받아들였을지라도 그들은 여전히 그들의 결혼한 자녀를 위해 결정을 하기를 원한다. 이것이 일어날 때 결혼한 자녀가 그의 부모로부터 기꺼이 받아들이려고 하는 무슨 제공에 경계선을 긋는 것은 아주 중요하다. 그는 또한 그의 결혼 파트너가 인간관계에서 첫째 가는 우선순위이지 그의 부모가 아니라는 것을 분명히 해야 한다.
 

 Recently a father told me about an encounter he had with his married daughter. She called home one night crying and upset about an argument she'd had with her husband. They both had said some unkind things that they didn't mean, and now the daughter wanted to come home. This wise father told his daughter, "Honey, you are home. I will always love you, and you will always be my daughter, but your home is no longer here. It is now there with your husband.

최근에 한 아버지가 그의 결혼한 딸과 가진 한 만남에 대해 내게 말했다. 그 딸은 어느 밤에 친정에 전화를 했는데 그녀가 자기 남편과 가진 논쟁에 대해서 울면서 흥분되어 있었다. 그들은 양쪽 다 그들이 원하지 않은 몇 가지 불친절한 것들을 말했다. 그리고 지금 그 딸은 친정에 오기를 원했다. 이 지혜로운 아버지는 그의 딸에게 말했다. “딸아, 너는 집에 와 있단다. 나는 항상 너를 사랑하고 너는 항상 내 딸일 것이다. 그러나 너의 가정은 더 이상 여기가 아니란다. 네 가정은 너의 낲면과 함께 있는 거기란다.”

 

" How diffcult that must have been for a loving father to say to his hurting daughter! However, this wise father clearly understood his role to listen and comfort, but then to direct his daughter to the Lord and back to her husband to continue becoming "one flesh" with him.

딸을 사랑하는 아버지가 상처입은 딸에게 이렇게 말하는 것이 얼마나 어려웠을 것인가! 아무튼, 이 지혜로운 아버지는 분명하게 그의 역할이 귀기우려 듣고 위로하는 것이라고 이해했으나 그의 딸을 주님께로 인도하고 그녀의 남편에게 되돌려서 그 남편과 “한 몸”이 되기를 계속하게 했다.

FAMILY PARTNERSHIP STRATEGY FOR SELECTING A MARRIAGE PARTNER

결혼 상대자를 선발하기 위한 가정 연합 전략 

 

I have spoken with many parents who were distraught over the person their son or daughter had married. I have also spoken to many people whose marriage has been very diffcult or even ended in divorce, and often they tell me their parents did not approve of their choice of spouse. Only after some life experience—often around age forty—do they see the wisdom in their parents' caution. This is why is it so important for parents to be involved in the process of selecting their adult child's marriage partner.

나는 많은 부모들과 말을 했는데 그들은 자기들의 아들이나 딸이 결혼한 사람에 대해 마음이 산란한 (미칠 듯한) 이들이었다. 나는 또한 그들의 결혼이 아주 어렵게 지내거나 혹은 이혼으로 끝나기까지 한 많은 사람들에게 말해왔다. 그리고 자주 그들은 내게 그들의 부모들이 그들의 배우자 선택을 인정하지 않았다고 말한다. 다만 몇 가지 인생 경험 후에 – 자주 나이 40 언저리에 – 그들은 그들의 부모들의 주의 안에서 지혜를 본다. 이래서 부모들이 그들의 성인 자녀들의 결혼 상대자 선택의 과정 속에 관여하는 것이 그렇게 중요하다는 것이다.

 

 As the old expression goes, love is blind. It can also be deaf, dumb, and stupid. When the blinders come on, the child in love may fail to notice negative character traits, generational patterns of sin, or family history that may affect a future marriage. For this reason that young person needs another set of "eyes" that are clear of any romantic attachment. The primary people God has placed in the lives of children to help them see more objectively are their parents.

옛 말이 있듯이 (as the old expression goes) 사랑은 소경이다. 그것은 또한 귀머거리, 벙어리, 그리고 어리석다. 눈 먼자들이 올 때 그 사랑에 빠진아이는 미래의 결혼생활에 영향을 미칠 수 있는 부정적인 인격의 흠들, 세대적인 형태의 죄, 가정역사을 알아보지 못할 수 있다. 이런 이유로 젊은 사람은 어떤 낭만적인 애정에 대해 확실하게 아는 다른 세트의 “눈들”이 (eyes) 필요하다. 하나님께서 자녀들의 삶 속에 두셔서 그들이 더 객관적으로 보게 돕는 주요한 사람들은 그들의 부모들이다.

 

I am not suggesting that we return to the arranged marriages common in biblical Hebrew culture. However, I believe there is a way for parents to be involved in their child's marriage selection process that is neither as restrictive as an arranged marriage nor as permissive as our current dating system in which the parents have very little input. I believe a more appropriate strategy would be a partnership in which both the parents and the children seek God together to discern who He is sending to be the child's spouse.

나는 성경적 히브리 문화 안에서 통상적인 중매결혼으로 회귀하자고 암시하고 있는 것은 아니다. 아무튼, 나는 부모들이 그들의 자녀의 결혼 선택 과정에 관여하는 한 가지 방법이 있다고 믿는데 그것은 중매결혼처럼 제한적이지도 않고 부모들이 부모가 생각이나 말을 거의 제공할 수 없는 우리의 현행 데이트 체제처럼 허용적인 것도 아니다. 나는 더 적합한 전략은 부모들이나 자녀들이 하나님께서 자녀의 배우자로서 보내실 예정인 사람이 누구인지를 분별하기 위하여 다 함께 하나님께 구하는 협동이라고 믿는다.

 

Using the powerful principle of agreement, this strategy prepares the child to function in agreement within marriage. Most of us who have been married for some time have made the mistake of making a decision our spouse did not support. In almost every case in my own life I wish I had listened to my wife. We discovered early in our marriage the principle of agreement. If only one of us thought we should do a particular thing, we found it was better not to act. Jan and I discovered that when we were in agreement about a decision, most of the time that was the will of God.

합의하는 힘있는 원리를 사용할 때 이 전략은 아이로 하여금 결혼 안에 합의 안에서 기능하도록 준비시킨다. 어느 기간 결혼생활을 해온 우리 중 대다수가 우리 배우자가 지지하지 않는 결정을 하는 오류를 범하면서 지냈다. 내 삶의 거의 모든 경우에 나는 내 아내에게 귀를 기우렸기를 소원한다. 우리는 우리 결혼생활 초기에 합의의 원리를 발견했다. 만일 우리 중 한 사람이 우리는 특별한 것을 해야 한다고 생각하면 우리는 그것을 하지 않는 것이 더 좋다는 것을 발견했다. 잰(Jan)과 나는 우리가 어떤 결정에 대해 합의할 때 거의 대부분 그것은 하나님의 뜻이었다.

 It is wise to teach children this principle of agreement when we are preparing them to be released into manhood or womanhood. During the time of instruction we can explain that we can best discern the will of God regarding their future spouse when all of us—both parents and kids—are in agreement. If only one of us thinks someone is the marriage partner sent from God but the other does not, there is a good chance that this is not God's plan. However, when parents and a child are in agreement about the person, the will of God likely will be found in this agreement.

우리가 자녀들을 성인 남녀로 방출되게 준비하고 있을 때 그들에게 이 합의의 원리를 가르치는 것은 지혜롭다. 교훈의 시간 동안 우리는 미래의 배우자에 관하여 우리 모두가 – 부모와 자녀들 양쪽 다 – 합의할 때하나님의 뜻을 가장 잘 분별할 수 있다고 설명할 수 있다. 만일 우리 중의 한 사람이 어떤 사람이 하나님으로부터 보내어진 결혼 상대자라고 생각하는데 다른 쪽은 아니라고 생각한다면 이것은 하나님의 계획이 아니라는 충분한 가능성이 있다. 아무튼, 부모들과 한 자녀가 그 사람에 대해서 합의하고 있을 때 하나님의 뜻이 이 합의 속에서 발견될 듯하다.

When a family has walked this way, it is very easy for the parents to tell the adult child at marriage to apply the same principle of agreement in his relationship with his spouse.

There is also very little chance the parents will not bless the marriage.

한 가정이 이같은 방식으로 걸을 때 부모들이 결혼기에 있는 성인 자녀에게 그의 배우자와의 관계성에서 동일한 합의의 원리를 적용하기 위하여 말하기는 아주 쉽다. 또한 부모들이 그 결혼을 축복하려고 하지 않는 가능성이 적다.

 

In order to properly implement this partnership strategy, one must recognize the five principles upon which it is based:

이 동반자 관계 전략을 적합하게 보완하기 위하여 우리는 그것을 떠받치는 다섯 가지 원리들을 인식해야만 한다.

 

1. The purpose of marriage is not to make one "happy" but to empower an

individual to fulfill a destiny in Christ that he or she can better fulfill married

than single.

2. God knows better than we do whom our son or daughter should marry,

and He will bring His choice of a marriage partner into our child's life

at just the right time.
3. Our child's heart and body do not belong to him to give away as he wills;

they belong to God and are to be reserved in purity until marriage.
4. The will of God in a marriage partner is best discerned in agreement

between the parents and child.

5, Both parents and child trust that God will use both parties to reveal His will despite

their respective weaknesses and faults. This engenders mutual respect, honor,

and trust in God.

1. 결혼의 목적은 한 사람을 “행복하게” 만드는 것이 아니라 한 개인이 그리스도 안에서 사명을 완수하게 힘을 실어주어서 그나 그녀가 혼자 때보다 결혼 때 더 잘 성취하게 하는 것이다.
2. 하나님께서는 우리 아들 혹은 딸이 누구에게 결혼해야 하는지 우리가 아는 것보다 더 잘 아시고 하나님은 결혼 상대자의 그분의  선택을 아주 옳은 시간에 우리 자녀의 삶 속으로 가져오신다.
3. 우리 자녀의 마음과 몸이 그에게 속하여 그가 원하는 대로 주어버리지 않는다. 그의 마음과 몸은 하나님께 속하고 결혼 때까지 순결함 속에서 보존되어야 한다.
4. 결혼 상대자 안에 있는 하나님의 뜻이 부모들과 자녀 사이에 합의안에서 최선으로 분별된다.

5. 부모들과 자녀 양쪽이 다 하나님께서 그들 각자의 연약함들과 과실들에도 불구하고 양쪽을 다 사용하셔서 하나님의 뜻을 드러내실 것이라고 믿는다. 이것은 상호 존경과 명예, 그리고 하나님 신뢰를 낳는다.

 

 When parents walk alongside their children in selecting a marriage partner, there is a much greater chance that the child will experience a successful marriage and fulfill with his spouse the purpose God has for his life.

부모들이 결혼 상대자를 선택함에 있어서 그들의 자녀들과 함께 걸을 때 그 자녀가 성공적인 결혼생활을 경험하고 그의 배우자와 함께 하나님께서 그의 삶을 위하여 가진 목적을 성취할 아주 큰 가능성이 있다.

 

What’s So Wrong With the Current Dating System?

오늘날의 데이트 제도에 무엇이 그렇게 잘못된 것인가?

 

Something is obviously wrong with a system that has roughlya 50 percent failure rate, but that is what our current dating system has produced. Nearly half of marriages today areending in divorce.

 

For claritys sake, when I use the word dating I am talking about the strategy in which a young person spends time with people of the opposite gender in hopes of developing a boyfriend-girlfriend type of relationship with someone special. In this dating relationship the two parties intentionally developa mutually strong feeling of romantic love toward each other. This system is insufficient for managing romantic relationship and ultimately selecting amarriagepartner. Letmeexplain why.

대충 50%의 실패율을 가진 제도에는 분명히 무언가 잘못된 것이 있다. 그러나 그것이 우리의 현재 데이트 제도가 낳은 것이다. 결혼의 거의 절반이 오늘날 이혼으로 끝나고 있다.

명확성을 위해 내가 데이트라는 단어를 사용할 때 나는 젊은 사람이 특별한 어떤 사람과의 보이 후렌드/걸 후렌드 형식의 인간관계를 발전시키려는 희망에서 이성(異性)의 사람과 시간을 보내는 전략을 의미한다. 이런 데이트 관계에서 양쪽은 서로를 향한 낭만적 사랑의 상호 강한 감정을 의도적으로 발전시킨다. 이 제도는 낭만적인 관계를 유지하고 궁극적으로는 결혼 상대자를 선택하기에는 불충분하다. 내가 그 이유를 설명하려고 한다.

Dating inverts God’s design.

데이트는 하나님의 설계를 역행한다.

 

God created people as three-part beings: spirit, soul, and body. The spirit should be subject to God, the soul (mind, will and emotions) subject to the spirit, and the body subject to the soul. In dating, people are usually first physically attracted to someone, then emotionally, then possibly spiritually. By focusing first on the physical, God’s order is inverted.

In con­trast, godly partnership allows the young person and the parents to first look for someone with godly character, then to consider emotional and physical attractiveness secondarily.

하나님께서는 사람을 세 부분을 가진 존재들로 창조하셨다: 영혼, 혼(정신), 그리고 육체를 가진 존재로. 영혼은 하나님께 복종해야 하고 혼(지,정,의)는 영혼에게 복종하고 몸은 혼에 복종해야 한다. 데이트에서 사람들은 보통 육체적으로 어떤 사람에게 끌린다. 그리고나서 영적으로 끌릴 가능성이 있다. 먼저 육체에 집중함으로써 하나님의 질서가 거꾸로 되어 있다. 대조적으로 경건한 배우자 관계는 젊은이와 그 부모들이 먼저 경건한 인격을 가진 어떤 사람을 찾는 것을 허용한다. 그리고나서 정서적으로 육체적인 끌림을 이차적으로 고려하는 것을 허용한다.

Dating focuses on self-gratification.

데이트는 자기 만족에 집중한다.

 

The unconscious motive for dating usually sounds some­ thing like this: “I want someone who looks physically attrac­tive to me and makes me happy, someone I enjoy being with, who has interests similar to mine:’ The focus is on gratifying and pleasing self. In contrast, godly partnership would have the young person focus on blessing and serving someone else. The motive of relationship is self-sacrifice, not self-gratification.

데이트의 무의식적인 동기가 보통으로 이와같이 들린다: “나는 내게 육체적으로 매력적으로 보이고 나를 행복하게 만들 사람을 원한다. 내가 함께 있기를 즐길 사람, 내 흥미와 동일한 흥미들을 가진 사람을.” 초점이 자신을 만족시키고 자신을 즐겁게 하는 데에 있다. 대조적으로 경건한 동반자 관계는 젊은 사람이 다른 누군가를 축복하고 섬기는 데 초점을 맞추게 시킨다. 인간관계의 동기가 자기희생이고 자아만족이 아니다. 여기서 목표는 다른 사람을 섬기기 위해서 자신의 이기심을 내려놓는 것이지 자신을 행복하게 만들기 위해 남을 이용하는 것이 아니다.
 

The goal here is to lay down one’s selfishness to serve another, not to use another to make oneself happy.

 

The idea is like a flea in search of a dog versus a recharge­-able battery for a cell phone. The flea’s goal is to take life from the dog.The battery’s job is to give life to the cellphone. When the dog can no longer provide life to the flea, the flea abandons that dog and looks for another. When the battery runs out of life, it returns to the recharger (Jesus Christ) to receive more life so it can provide more life to the phone.

그 생각은 개를 찾는 벼룩 대(對) 휴대폰을 위한 재충전할 수 있는 배터리와 같다. 벼룩의 목적은 개로부터 생명을 취하는 것이다. 배터리의 일은 휴대폰에 생명을 주는 것이다. 개가 더 이상 벼룩에게 생명을 공급할 수 없을 때 벼룩은 그 개를 버리고 다른 개를 찾는다. 배터리가 생명이 다 할 때 그것은 재충전자 (예수 그리스도)에게 돌아와서 휴대폰에 더 생명을 공급할 수 있게 더 생명을 받는다.

Dating has no long-term goal.

데이트는 장기적인 목적을 갖지 않는다.

 

The primary purpose of dating is to “have fun.” When the fun is over, the relationship usually terminates.

Godly part­nership allows the heart to go out in romantic love only to a person who both the parents and child believe is a potential marriage partner sent from God. The goal of the romantic relationship is to head toward the covenant of marriage.

데이트의 주 목적은 “재미를 보는” 것이다. 그 재미가 끝날 때 그 관계는 보통 끝난다. 경건한 동반자 관계는 그 마음이 낭만적인 사랑 안에서 부모들과 자녀가 믿기에 하나님으로부터 온 가능한 결혼 배우자인 사람에게만 향하여 나간다. 낭만적인 관계의 목적은 결혼 언약을 향하여 간다.

 

Dating is often emotionally damaging.

데이트는 자주 정서적으로 상처를 준다.

 

When two fifteen-year-olds are dating, they do not usually have the goal of marriage in mind. They just want to have fun, but their hearts become fused together in romantic love for the duration of the relationship. This is like gluing two pieces of paper together. When one party no longer finds the other pleasing, the relationship breaks, but the hearts do not come apart the same way they went together. There is a ripping and tearing that cause significant emotional pain.
Each flea, I mean young person, then goes in search of another boyfriend or girlfriend to ease the emotional pain of the breakup. 
열 다섯 살의 두 사람이 데이트를 하고 있을 때 그들은 보통으로 마음 속에 결혼의 목적을 가지지 않는다. 그들은 그저 재미를 보기를 원하나 그들의 마음은 관계의 지속성을 위해 낭만적인 사랑 안에서 함께 융합된다. 이것은 두 장의 종이들을 함께 접착하는 접착제와 같다. 한쪽이 더 이상 다른 쪽을 기쁘게 할 수 없음을 발견할 때 그 관계는 깨지지만 마음들은 그들이 함께 갔던 동일한 방식으로 따로 가지 않는다. 의미있는 정서적 고통을 야기하는 상처의 터짐과 찢어짐이 있다.

 

Each time a breakup occurs, the person leaves a piece of his heart with that individual. Suppose this happensfive, eight or ten times before marriage .How much of the heart is really left to give to a spouse?

The heart often is so wounded the person needs massive emotional healing just to get back to the place God intended him to be at the start of marriage. If that healing does not take place, imagine the turmoil that will ensue when two wounded fleas marry each other!

각각의 벼룩이 (내가 의미하는 것은 젊은 사람) 그때 또 다른 보이후렌드나 걸 후렌드를 찾아 가서 이별의 정서적 고통을 안정하려고 한다. 이별이 일어날 때마다 그 사람은 그 개인과 함께 한 그의 마음의 한 조각을 남겨둔다. 이런 일이 결혼 전에 다섯 번, 여덟 번, 열 번 일어난다고 상상해보자.  그 마음의 얼마나 많은 것이 배우자에게 주기 위해 참으로 남아있겠는가?  그 마음이 자주 그렇게 상처를 입어서 그 사람은 하나님께서 결혼 시작에 그를 두려고 의도하신 그 자리로 돌아가기 위해 대량의 정서적 치유가 필요하다. 만일 그 치료가 일어나지 않으면 두 상처 입은 벼룩들이 서로 결혼할 때 일어날 혼란을 상상해보라.

 

In contrast, godly partnership seeks to reserve both the heart and body to be given only to the one God sends to be the marriage partner. In this strategy young people may spend lots of time together in groups, but they do not pair off as boy- friend/girlfriend and engage in romantic relationships with people they have no intention of marrying. The commitment of the son or daughter in this strategy is to preserve both the body and the heart (emotions) in wholeness and purity to be given only to a future husband or wife.

대조적으로 경건한 배우자 관계는 마음과 몸이 오직 한 사람에게만 주어지게 보존되기를 추구하는데 그 한 사람은 하나님께서 결혼 배우자가 되라고 보내주신 사람이다. 이 전략 안에서 젊은 사람들은 그룹 안에서 많은 시간을 보내도 좋으나 그들은 보이 후렌드/걸 후렌드로서 짝을 짓지 않고 그들이 결혼할 의도가 없을 사람들과 낭만적인 교제에 참여하지 않는다. 이 전략 안에서 아들이나 딸의 책무는 오직 미래 남편 혹은 미래 아내에게만 주어지는 온전함과 순결함 안에서 몸과 마음 (정서들) 모두 보존하는 것이다.
 

A young woman I’ll call Sarah shared with me a powerful story. She was a Christian high school student who had been dating fairly regularly. One night she went out on a date to a movie with a young man. They kissed and hugged in the the­ ater, and she thought little of it until a few days later when she was reading Proverbs 31, which tells of the godly woman.
Verses 10-12 struck her in particular.

내가 사라라고 호칭하는 한 젊은 여성이 나와 매우 강렬한 이야기를 나누었다. 그녀는 기독인 고등학생인데 그녀는 규칙적으로 멋있게 데이트를 해왔다. 어느 밤에 그녀는 한 젊은 남자와 영화보러 가는 데이트를 나갔다. 그들은 그 극장 안에서 키스하고 껴안았다. 그리고 그녀는 2, 3일 후 잠 31장을 읽고 있기까지는 그것을 대수롭지 않게 여겼다. 잠31장은 경건한 여인에 대해 말하는 것이다. 특별히 10-12절이 그녀에게 갑자기 떠올랐다.

 

An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.

누가 탁월한 아내를 발견할 수 있는가? 왜냐하면 그녀의 가치는 보석들보다 훨씬 뛰어나다. 그녀의 남편의 마음은 그녀를 신뢰하고 그는 소득에 부족함이 없다. 그녀는 남편에게 선을 행하고 그녀의 평생동안 악을 행하지 않는다. 
 

Sarah told the Lord, “I want to be a godly woman as described here.” Then she heard the Holy Spirit ask her, “Socan the heart of your husband trust in you? Are you doing him good and not evil all the days of your life?”
She responded, “Lord, I don’t have a husband yet. I'm only sixteen/'
Back came the next question,“When does it say you should do him good and not evil?”

사라는 주님께 말했다. “저는 여기 묘사된대로 경건한 여인이 되기 원합니다.” 그때 그녀는 성령님이 그녀에게 요구하시는 말을 들었다. “그러니 너의 남편의 마음이 너를 신뢰할 수 있니? 너는 그에게 선을 행하고 너의 평생의 모든 날에 악을 행치 않고 있니?”
그녀는 대답했다. “주님, 저는 아직 남편이 없습니다. 저는 단지 열 여섯 살입니다.”
다음 질문이 다시 왔다. “그 말씀은 언제 네가 남편에게 선을 행하고 악을 행치 않는다고 말하니?”  

 

Sarah read verse 12 again.“All the days of my life,”she mused. “I guess I am already in ‘all the days of my life?”
“Yes，”she heard the Lord reply.“So are you doing your husband good and not evil?”
“Lord,I don’tknow. I don'tknow whomy husband is.”
“I do,”the Lord replied.“Was that young man you went to the movies with your husband?”
“He’s a nice guy,”she said,“but I don't think I’d marry him.” “So he’s not your husband?” queried the Lord.
“No,he will not be my husband,” Sarah replied.

사라는 12절을 다시 읽었다. “제 생의 모든 날들에요.” 그녀는 혼잣말을 했다. “저는 ‘제 생의 모든 날들에’ 있다고 추측합니다.” 그녀는 주님이 이렇게 대답하시는 것을 들었다. “암, 너는 너의 남편에게 선을 행하고 악을 행하지 않고 있니?”
  “주님, 저는 모릅니다. 저는 누가 제 남편인지 모릅니다.”
  “나는 알지. 네가 극장에 함께 간 그 젊은 남자가 너의 남편이니?” 주님이 대답하셨다.
  “그는 좋은 사람이지만 저는 그와 결혼할 것이지 생각하지 않습니다.”
  “그러니 그는 너의 남편이 아니네?” 주님이 질문하셨다.
  “그렇습니다. 그는 내 남편이 아닐 것입니다.” 사라가 대답했다.

 

The Lord then told her, “Here’s how you can tell if you are doing your husband good and not evil. What if the man who will be your husband had accompanied you on the date and observed your behavior with the other young man? How do you think he would have felt?”
Interjecting her future husband into the image of last week’s date totally changed the picture. “He would have felt very betrayed and hurt, I suspect,” she replied.
“Why?”asked the Lord,

주님이 그때 그녀에게 말씀하셨다. “여기 네가 너의 남편에게 선을 행하고 악을 행치 않고 있는지를 말할 수 있는 방법이 있다. 너의 남편이 될 사람이 데이트에 너를 동반하고 다른 젊은 남자와 함께 하는 너의 행동을 목격했다면 어떻게 될까? 그는 어떻게 느겼을 거라고 너는 생각하니?”
그녀의 미래 남편을 지난 주간의 데이트에 끼어넣는 것은 그림을 완전히 바꿔버렸다. “그는 아주 배척당했다고 느끼고 상처받았을 것이라고 느끼고 상처받았을 것이라고 어렴풋이 압니다.”

 

“Because I gave someone else what should have been reserved for him,” she said. “I get it. My kisses and my heart actually don't belong to me.They belong to You, Lord,forYou to hold in trust until my wedding day, when I give my whole heart and body to my husband.”
 Sarah repented of treating her body as if it were hers to give away. She received God’s forgiveness and then heard the Lord tell her, “Your heart and body do belong to Me, but your father is the human agent I have charged with guarding your heart and your body until your wedding day. On your wedding day your father will transfer the responsibility to protect you to your husband?
With this revelation Sarah never went on another date.

 “왜?” 주님이 물으셨다.
  “제가 그를 위하여 보존했어야만 하는 것을 다른 사람에게 주었기 때문이죠. 이제 알았어요. 저의 입맞춤들과 저의 마음은 실제로 제게 속한 것이 아니지요. 그것들은 주님께 속합니다. 왜냐하면 제가 제 온 마음과 몸을 제 남편에게 주는 저의 결혼식날까지 주님께서 신뢰 중에 붙잡고 계시니까요.”
사라는 자기의 몸을 주어버리는 것이 자기의 것인 듯 다룬 것을 회개했다. 그녀는 하나님의 용서를 받아들이고 그 다음에 주님이 그녀에게 말씀하시는 것을 들었다. “너의 마음과 몸은 내게 속하는 거야. 그러나 너의 아버지는 너의 결혼식날까지 내가 너의 마음과 몸을 지키는 것을 맡긴 인간 대리인이다. 너의 결혼식 날 너의 아버지는 너를 지키는 책임을 너의 남편에게 넘겨줄 것이다.”

 

A year and a half later she met the man who was to be her husband, and on their wedding day she was able to present
him with a healed, whole, pureheart. To see the fruit of this kind of commitment,you may want to check out this short video clip of a bride on her wedding day returning to her father the purity ring he gave her when he blessed her puberty and released her to become a woman : http://www.familyfoundation.com/index.php/dating15.

이 계시를 받고 사라는 결코 다른 데이트에 가지 않았다. 일년 반 후에 그녀는 그녀의 남편이 될 사람을 만났고 그들의 결혼식 날에 그녀는 그 남자에게 고침받고 온전하고 순결한 마음을 줄 수 있었다. 이런 종류의 약속의 열매를 보면 당신은 그 아버지가 그년의 사춘기에 축복하고 그녀를 한 여성으로서 놓아준 때에 그녀에게 준 순결 반지를 그 아버지에게 돌려주는 그녀의 결혼식날에 이 짧은 신부의 비디오 클립을 점검하기를 원할지 모른다.  http://www.familyfoundation.com/index.php/
dating

 

Dating is good preparation for divorce

데이트는 이혼을 위한 좋은 준비이다.

 

 I have heard some people say they thought dating was good preparation for marriage. So the idea is that a relationship with no long-term goal, based on physical attraction and rooted in self-gratification, and that ends as soon as one person is no longer pleasing is good preparation for marriage? I think not! This is excellent preparation for divorce. This system teaches young people nothing about marriage, which is a lifelong commitment to God’s purpose through unconditional, selfsacrificial, convenant love. Godly partnership is much better preparation for marriage. It helps teach young people to deny self and seek to bless others first.

 나는 어떤 사람들이 그들이 데이트는 결혼을 위한 좋은 준비라고 생각했다고 말하는 것을 들은 적이 있다. 그래서 그 생각은 장기적이지 않은 목적을 가진 관계, 육체적 매력에 근거하고, 자기만족에 뿌리를 둔, 또 한 사람이 더 이상 즐겁지 않자마자 끝나는 그런 인간관계는 결혼을 위한 좋은 준비인가? 나는 아니라고 생각한다. 이것은 이혼을 위한 탁월한 준비이다. 이 제도는 청년들에게 결혼에 대해 아무 것도 가르치지 않는다. 결혼은 무조건적이고, 자기희생적이고 언약적인 사랑을 통한 하나님의 목적에게 하는 평생 가는 약속인 (commitment) 것이다. 경건한 동반자 관계는 결혼을 위한 훨씬 더 좋은 준비이다. 그것은 청년들로 하여금 자아를 부인하고 먼저 타인들을 축복하기를 추구하게 가르치는데 도움을 준다.

Dating leaves virtuous young women to reject and fend off lustful young men.

데이트는 덕있는 젊은 여성들이 욕정에 사로잡인 남자 청년들을 거부하고 막아서 차단하는 것을 깜박 잊게 한다.

 

God never designed a woman to do this.God has assigned a father the job of protecting his daughter’s heart and virginity. When a father is not involved, a daughter must do this for her­ self. Unfortunately, since God did not design women to do this, she must harden her heart in order to continually say, “NO, NO,NO,NO,NO!”Do you think that a woman's disposition to protect herself emotionally and sexually instantly disappears on her wedding night?

Of course not! This may negatively affect her sexual and emotional relationship in marriage for years.

하나님께서는 한 여성이 이것을 하게 결코 설계하지 않으셨다. 하나님은 아버지에게 그의 딸의 마음과 처녀성을 보호하는 일을 지정해주셨다. 아버지가 관여되지 않을 때 딸은 자신이 이것을 해야만 한다. 불행하게도 하나님께서 여성들ㅊ이 이것을 하게 설계하지 않으셨으므로 그녀는 계속 이렇게 말하기 위하여 그녀의 마음을 굳어지게 함이 틀림없다. “아니, 아니, 아니, 아니, 아니!”  당신은 한 여인의 자신을 정서적으로, 성적으로 보호하는 기질이 그녀의 결혼식 날 밤에 순식간에 사라진다고 생각하는가? 물론 아니다. 이것은 여러 해 동안 결혼생활에서 그녀의 성적, 정서적 관계성에 부정적으로 영향을 미칠지 모른다.

 

Godly partnership, on the other hand, entails the father protecting his daughter.

경건한 동반자 관계은 반면에 그의 딸을 보호하는 아버지를 수반(隨伴)한다

 

He is the door through which anyyoung man must come. In this strategy the daughter has her dad screen any young man with romantic interest in her. The father will then grant or deny the young man access to his daughter’s time or heart. Because she doesn’t have to harden her heart and reject him herself, her heart can be soft and vulnerable when she gives it to her husband in marriage.

아버지는 어떤 젊은 남자가 그것을 통해서 들어가야만 하는 문이다. 이 전략에서 딸은 그녀에게 낭만적인 흥미를 갖는 어떤 남자 청년을 가려내는 아버지를 두고 있다. 아버지는 청년 남자가 그의 딸의 시간이나 마음에 접근하는 것을 허락하거나 거절할 수 있다. 그녀가 자기 마음을 굳게 하고 자신이 그 남자를 거절할 필요가 없기 때문에 그녀의 마음은 그녀가 결혼생활에서 자기 남편에게 그 마음을 줄 때 부드럽고 나약할 수 있다. 

Dating usually does not involve the counsel and agreement of parents.

데이트는 보통 부모들의 충고나 동의를 포함하지 않는다.

 

 As I mentioned earlier, young people are blinded to the potential negative qualities of the person in whom they have a romantic interest. They need the benefit of another set of objective eyes, which parents can provide. Part of the

consequence of this Windness is the near 50 percent divorce rate we now have in most Western countries. In contrast, partnership takes advantage of the parents’ insight This strategy allows romantic interest to develop between two parties only when both the parents and child are in agreement. The children commit in advance not to give their hearts to anyone until they and their parents are in agreement that the individualis a potential marriage partner sent from God.

내가 앞에서 언급했듯이 청년들은 그들이 낭만적인 흥미를 가지는 그 사람의 잠재적인 부정적 성질들에 눈이 멀어있다. 그들은 객관적인 또 하나의 눈의 유익이 필요하다. 그것은 부모들이 공급할 수 있는 것이다. 이 눈멂의 결과의 한 부분은 대부분 서방 국가들에서 우리가 지금 갖고 있는 50%에 근접한 이혼율이다. 대조적으로 동반자 관계는 부모들의 통찰력을 이용한다. 이 전략은 부모들과 자녀 양쪽이 합의할 때만 양쪽 사이에서 낭만적인 흥미가 발전하게 허락한다. 자녀들은 그들의 마음을 누군가에게 주지 않으려고 앞서 위탁하는데 그들과 그들의 부모들이 그 개인들이 하나님으로부터 보내진 잠재적 결혼 상대자라는 합의 아래 있을 때까지 미리 위탁한다.

Dating results in more marriages that parents choose not to bless.

데이트는 부모들이 축복하지 않기를 선택하는 더 많은 결혼들을 초래한다.

 

Children brought up in the dating system usually don't ask parents before they enter into a romantic relationship. They usually announce only their intention to marry. At this point itis too late for the parents to have any valid input. Consequently parents are placed in the awkward position of being asked to bless something they don’t approve of. In contrast, godly part­ nership involves the parents before any romantic relationship begins. In this strategy there is a much greater chance that the parents will bless the marriage, especially when it is implemented from the time of the blessing at puberty.

 자녀들은 낭만적 관계 속으로 진입하기 전에 부모에게 묻지 않는 데이트 제도 안에서 성장했다. 그들은 통상 그들의 결혼할 의도만을 알린다. 이 지점에서 부모들이 어떤 유효한 개입을 하기에는 너무 늦다. 결과적으로 부모들은 그들이 인정하지 않는 것을 축복하도록 요구받는 어색한 입장에 놓인다. 대조적으로 경건하나 동반자 관계는 어떤 낭만적인 관계가 시잓하기 전에 부모들을 개입시킨다. 이 전략에는 부모들이 결혼을 축복할 훨씬 더 좋은 가능성이 있다. 특별히 사춘기에 축복의 시간으로부터 그것이 시행되었을 때.
 

 I highly suggest that you consider teaching your children the partnership strategy of managing romantic interests and potential  marriage  relationships  from  the  time  of  puberty.
This will ensure the greatest chance that you will be able to bless your children when they marry.

나는 당신이 자녀들에게 사춘기 때부터 낭만적인 흥미들과 잠재적 결혼 관계를 운영하는 동반자 전략을 가르치기를 생각하라고 강하게 제안한다. 이것은 자녀들이 결혼할 때 당신의 자녀들을 축복할 수 있을 가장 큰 기회를 확실하게 할 것이다.

 

 

WHAT If MY CHILD WANTS TO MARRY SOMEONE  I DON’T APPROVE OF?

내 자녀가 내가 인정하지 않는 사람과 결혼하기를 원한다면 어쩌지 ?

 

 Heartbroken parents frequently asked me what to do when their adult child has announced plans to marry someone they don’t think is right for him. They wonder if they should go ahead and bless the marriage even if they disapprove of the child’s choice. I believe the parents’ blessing is so powerful to facilitate a successful marriage that I would recommend blessing the union if it is not morally wrong or a violation of your conscience.

마음이 상한 부모들이 자주 내게 물었다. 그들의 성인 자녀가 그들이 옳다고 생각지 않는 누군가와 결혼하기를 계획할 때 무엇을 할지를. 그들은 자기들이 자녀의 선택을 인정치 않을지라도 그 결혼을 앞서 가서 축복해야 하는지 의아해 한다. 나는 부모들의 축복이 성공적인 결혼생활을 용이하게 하기에 너무 힘 있다고 믿으므로 나는 그것이 도덕적으로 잘못되지 않거나 당신의 양심의 탈선이 아니라면 그 연합을 축복하는 것을 권장하곤 한다.
 

However, I believe that it is incumbent upon parents to tell their adult child why they think he should not marry the person he has chosen. After sharing their concerns, the parents should then allow the child to make his choice withoutmanipulation or control. If he chooses to marry, then I believe it is best for the parents to bless the marriage and receive the child’s choice of a spouse.

아무튼, 나는 그 부모들이 그들의 성인 자녀에게 그들이 왜 그가 선택한 사람과 결혼해서는 안 된다고 생각하는지를 말하는 것이 그들에게 지워진 의무라고 믿는다. 그들의 관심들을 나눈 후에 부모들은 그 자녀가 그때 조작(manipulation)이나 통제 (control) 없이 그의 선택을 하도록 허용해야 한다. 만일 그가 결혼하기를 선택하면 그러면 부모들이 그 결혼을 축복하고 그 자녀의 배우자 선택을 받아들여야 한다고 나는 믿는다.

 

The caveat is this: “if it is not immoral or a violation of the parents" conscience” If the child has chosen to enter into a same-sex, incestuous, adulterous,orpolygamousmarriage, then it would not be possible for me as a parent to bless the marriage or attend the ceremony. Such a marriage is not only unwise and distasteful but also morally wrong. As a parent you can bless a son or daughter who is making an unwise choice or one with which you don’t agree. But you cannot violate your moral convictions and bless a child’s sinful or immoral choice.

경고는 (caveat) 이것이다. “만일 그것이 비도덕적이거나 부모들의 ‘양심상 범함이 아니라면.’” 만일 자녀가 동성 성교(same sex), 근친상간, 혹은 일부다처 결혼으로 들어가기를 선택했다면 내가 부모의 한 사람으로서 그 결혼을 축복하거나 결혼식에 참석하는 것은 불가능하다. 이런 결혼은 지혜롭지 않고 역겨울 뿐만 아니라 또한 도덕적으로 잘못되었다. 부모로서 당신은 지혜롭지 않은 선택이나 당신이 동의하지 않는 것을 만들고 있는 아들이나 딸을 축복할 수 있다. 그러나 당신은 당신의 도덕적 신념들을 범할 수 없고 자녀의 죄악되거나 비도덕적 선택을 축복할 수 없다.

 

 I know a couple i’ll call Sam and Sharon. They were faced with this very dilemma with their son, John. When John was a senior in high school, he had an adulterous affair with his youth pastor’s wife. They ended the relationship soon after it was discovered；and John eventually spent a year out of the city. Yet when he returned to the city, the youth pastor’s wife divorced her husband and began seeing John. Sam and Sharon were appalled, and they counseled their son to end the relationship.

나는 한 부부를 아는데 그들의 이름을 쌤 (Sam)과 샤론 (Sharon) 이라고 부르겠다. 그들은 아들 죤과 바로 이 딜렘마를 직면했다. 죤이 고등학교 3학년일 때 그는 그의 청년담당 목사의 아내와 간음을 저질렀다. 그들의 사실이 알려지자 바로 관계를 끊었다. 그리고 죤은 결국 도시 밖에서 일 년을 보냈다. 그런데 그가 도시에 돌아왔을 때 그 목사의 아내가 자기 남편과 이혼하고 죤을 만나기 시작했다. 쌤과 샤론은 놀랐고 그들의 아들이 그 관계를 끝내기를 충고했다.

 He refused,and a short time later he announced tha the was going to marry this woman. He wanted his parents to attend the wedding, but Sam and Sharon were ingreat tur­moil. They loved their son, but they were convinced that John’s marriage to the youth pastor’s former wife would constitute adultery according to Mark 10:12 and Luke 16:18. After much prayer and many sleepless nights, Sam and Sharon concluded that they could neither Wess John in his marriage nor attend a ceremony celebrating his adultery.

아들은 거절했고 얼마 후 그는 이 여인과 결혼하려고 한다고 통보했다. 그는 그들의 부모가 결혼식에 참석하기를 원했다. 그러나 쌤과 샤론은 큰 혼란에 빠졌다. 그들은 아들을 사랑했으나 죤의 그 여자와의 결혼이 막 10:12와 눅 16:18에 따르면 간음에 해당한다. 많은 기도와 잠 못이루는 밤들을 보낸 후 쌤과 샤론은 아들의 결혼식에 축복도 못하고 그의 간음을 축하하는 예식도 참석할 수 없다고 결론을 내렸다.

It broke Sam’s heart to tell his son this news,but he and Sharon could not violate their own consciences.Sam made it

clear to John that he and Sharon loved him deeply and accepted him as their son no matter what choices he made, but they could not attend his wedding. Sam and Sharon continued to maintain are lationship with John. Then about two years

later John went to his father for counsel during a very difficult time in his marriage. In that meeting John thanked his father for standing for what he believed even at the risk of jeopardizing their relationship, and for continuing to love and accept himdespitehischoices,Johnacknowledgedthathis parents had been right all along. He now saw his choices from God’s perspective and was humbled and repentant.

그의 아들에게 이 소식을 전하는 것은 쌤의 마음을 깨뜨렸으나 그와 샤론은 그들의 양심을 범할 수는 없었다. 쌤은 자기와 애 엄마가 그를 깊이 사랑하고 그가 무슨 선택을 했든지 그를 그들의 아들로서 받아들인다는 것을 분명하게 했다. 그러나 그들은 그의 결혼식에 참석할 수 없었다. 쌤과 샤론은 아들과 교제를 계속 유지했다. 그리고 나서 2년 후 죤은 그의 결혼생활의 아주 어려운 시간 동안 조언을 구하려고 아버지에게 갔다. 그 만남에서 죤은 부자간의 친교를 망가뜨릴 위험에도 불구하고 아버지가 믿는 바를 견지한 것에 감사를 했다. 그리고 계속 사랑하고 그의 선택에도 불구하고 그를 받아준 것을 인하여 감사했다. 죤은 그의 부모님들이 줄곧 옳게 지내왔음을 인정했다. 그는 이제 하나님의 관점에서 자기의 선택들을 보았다. 그리고 겸손해졌고 회개했다.
 

In the case of Sam and Sharon, not attending the wedding and not violating their conscience was the best way to the best way to minister to their son at that time. However,if a marriage is not immoral, after lovingly sharing your concerns with your adult child, it is better for you to bless your childchoice, even though you disagree with it, than to withhold your blessing. If them arriage is immoral, you cannot bless the union or the child and retain a clear conscience before God.

쌤과 샤론의 경우에서 결혼식에 참석하지 않고 그들의 양심을 범하지 않은 것은 그때 그들의 아들에게 봉사하는 최선의 방법이었다. 아무튼 만일 결혼이 비도덕적이면 당신의 성인 자녀에게 당신의 관심들을 사랑스럽게 나눈 후에 비록 당신이 그것에 동의하지 않더라도 당신이 당신의 아들의 선택을 축복하는 것이 당신의 축복을 보류하는 것보다 더 좋다. 만일 그 결혼이 비도덕적이면 당신은 그 결합이나 그 자녀를 축복할 수 없고 하나님 앞에서 깨끗한 양심을 유지해야 한다.

 

God’s Protective Measures  in Ancient Hebrew Culture

고대 히브리 문화 안에서 하나님의 보호적인 조치들

 

As at all the previous critical times of blessing, God estab­lished practices within ancient Hebrew culture that ensured almost every child received his parents‘ blessing when he married Four traditions and social norms stand out in particular:

앞의 모든 축복의 중요한 시기들에서처럼 하나님은 거의 모든 자녀가 결혼할 때 그의 부모들의 축복을 받는 것을 확실하게 하는 고대 히브리 문화 안의 실행들을 (practices) 설립하셨다. 네 가지 전통들과 사회적 규범들이 특별히 눈에 띈다.

1. Marriages were primarily arranged by both setsof parents and thus were

always blessed.
2. Everyone in the society considered marriage a lifelong covenant,

and sex outside of marriagewas a capital offense.
3. The father was “the door” to his daughter's life and heart; therefore she did not

have to protect herself from lustful young men.
4. Fathers taught their sons to protect, honor, and respect women,

and society reinforced such attitudes.

1. 결혼들은 주로 양가의 부모들에 의해서 처리되었고 그래서 항상 축복을 받았다.

2. 사회 속의 모든 사람이 결혼을 평생 가는 언약으로 생각했고 혼외 성생활은 사형받을 범죄였다. (a capital offense)

3. 아버지는 그의 딸의 삶과 마음으로 가는 문이었다. 그러므로 딸은 욕정에 찬 젊은 남자로부터 자신을 보호해야 할 필요가 없었다.  (역자 첨부: 아버지가 해주니까)

4. 아버지들은 그들의 아들들에게 여성들을 보호하고 존중하고 존경 하라고 가르쳤다. 그리고 사회가 이런 태도들을 강화시켰다.

 

 As distasteful as an arranged marriage would be to our Western minds today, I believe that God implemented this strategy in biblical Hebrew culture because it was so important to Him that every marriage be blessed by parents. Remember, one meaning of “to bless” is “to empower to prosper.” I believe God wanted to ensure that every marriage would be empowered to prosper.

정리된 결혼이 (an arranged marriage: 역자 첨부: 부모가 정리해준 결혼) 오늘의 서구 사람들의 마음의 입맛에 맞지 않기 때문에 나는 하나님께서 성경적 히브리 문화 안에 두신 이 전략을 시행하셨다고 믿는다. 왜냐하면 모든 결혼이 부모들에 의해서 축복을 받는 것이 하나님께는 그렇게 중요했기 때문이다. 기억하라. “축복하다” 란 말의 의미 중 하나는 “번성하게 만들어준다”라는 것을 (to empower to prosper). 나는 하나님께서는 모든 결혼들이 허락을 받아서 번성하는 것을 확실하게 하기를 원하셨다고 믿는다.
 

 In ancient Hebrew culture divorce was a rarity, and virtually no one cohabited. An honorable man would never approach a young woman he was interested in directly; he would approach her father because Dad was the door he must pass through to even speak with the daughter. Even in our Western culture fathers served this role until the turn of the twentieth century. In the 1800s it was still common fora potential suitor to first approach a young woman’s father before he attempted to court her. This protected her from inappropriate suitors and lustful men.

고대 히브리 문화 안에서 이혼은 희박한 일이었고 사실상 아무도 동거하지 (no one cohabited) 않았다. 명예로운 남자는 결코 그가 직접 흥미를 느낀 젊은 여성에게 접근하려고 하지 않았다. 그는 그 여자의 아버지에게 접근하곤 했다. 왜냐하면 그 아빠야말로 그가 그 딸과 말하기 위해 통과해야만 하는 문이었기 때문이다. 우리 서구 문화에서조차 아버지들은 20세기로 들어서는 때까지 이 역할을 했다. 1800년 대에 잠재적인 구애자가 한 여성에게 구애하기 전에 먼저 그 여자의 아버지에게 접근하는 것이 여전히 일반적이었다. 이것은 그녀를 부적합한 구혼자와 욕정에 찬 남자들로부터 보호했다.

 

 Because of these four protective practices, virtually all marriages and marriage partners in ancient Hebrew culture were blessed by both sets of parents. Unfortunately, because these practices have largely been abandoned today, there is a significant chance that a marriage will not beblessed or may even be cursed by parents and thus disempowered from prospering

이 네 가지 보호적인 실행들 (protective practices) 때문에 고대 히브리 문화 안에서 사실상 모든 결혼들과 결혼 동반자들이 양가의 부모님들에 의해서 축복을 받았다. 불행하게도 이 실행들이 대체로 오늘날 포기되었기 때문에 결혼이 축복을 받지 못하거나 심지어 부모들에 의해서 저주를 받을 수도 있고 그래서 번성하는 것으로부터 힘을 잃게 되었다.

 

***BLESSING TOOLBOX***

***축복의 도구 상자***
 

In the following section we will look at some specific actions you can take and prayers you can pray over your children to help establish a culture of blessing at the time of marriage.

아래의 섹션에서 우리는 당신이 취할 수 있는 몇 가지 특별한 행동들과 당신이 당신 자녀들에게 기도해서 결혼기에 축복의 문화를 세우는데 도움되는 기도들을 바라볼 것이다.

 

 

ACTION STEPS
행동 단계

 

1. As parents, embrace the strategy of godly partnership rather than dating

for the management of romantic relationships and marriage partner selection.

2. Teach your children this strategy of godly partnership at the time of puberty

and walk with them in relationship throughout their teenage years.

1. 부모들로서 낭만적인 관계성과 결혼 상대자 선택을 위한 운영을 위하여 데이트보다는 경건한 배우자 관계 전략을 포옹하라.

2. 사춘기에 경건한 동반자 관계의 이 전략을 자녀들에게 가르치라. 그리고 그들의 십대 시기들을 거치면서 관계서을 가지고 그들과 함께 걸으라.

REMEDIAL PRAYERS TO BREAK THE CURSE

저주를 깨뜨리는 치료적인 기도들

 

 If you did not approve of your adult child’s marriage and spoke words to curse the marriage

만일 당신이 당신의 성인 자녀의 결혼을 찬성치 않고 그 결혼을 저주하는 말들을 했다면

 

1. Repent of being the devil’s agent to speak his message into your chlld’s life.

1. 당신의 자녀의 삶 속에 사탄의 메시지를 말하는 사탄의 대리인이 된 것을 회개하라.

 

You can pray something similar to this:

 Father, I recognize today that I was the devil's agent to send my child Satan’s identity message at the time of his marriage. Lord, I spoke words of death rather than words of life over [your child’s name]’s marriage. 
Today I renounce the sin of cursing my child's identity and marriage. I repent of doing so and turn completely away from it. I can't pay for my lack of blessing, but I recognize that Jesus Christ died to pay for my sin. Today I receive the blood of Jesus to pay for cursing my son/daughter’s identity and marriage, and because Jesus Christ paid for this sin, today I receive Your forgiveness. Father, because You have forgiven me, today I forgive myself for cursing [your child’s name]'s marriage.

당신은 이와 같은 것들을 기도할 수 있다.

 

하나님 아버지, 저는 제가 제 자녀에게 그의 결혼기에 사탄 의 정체성 메시지를 보내는 마귀의 대리인이었다는 것을 오늘 인 정합니다. 주님, 저는 제 자녀 ○○○ 의 결혼 위에 생명의 말씀 보다는 죽음의 말들을 했습니다.

오늘 저는 제 자녀의 정체성과 결혼을 저주하는 죄를 버립니 다. 저는 그렇게 한 것을 회개하고 온전히 그것으로부터 돌아섭니 다. 저는 저의 축복의 결여를 인하여 값을 지불할 수 없습니다만 예수 그리스도께서 제 죄의 값을 지불하기 위하여 죽으신 것을 인 정합니다. 오늘 저는 내 아들/딸을 정체성과 결혼을 저주한 것에 대한 값을 지불하는 예수님의 피를 받아들입니다. 그리고 예수 그 리스도께서 이 죄값을 지불하셨기 때문에 오늘 저는 당신의 용서 를 받습니다. 하나님 아버지, 당신께서 저를 용서하셨기 때문에 오늘 저는 제가 제 자녀 ○○○ 의 결혼을 저주한 죄에 대해 저 자신을 용서합니다

 

2. Meet with your child and acknowledge that you did not bless his marriage

and ask for his forgiveness.

 I suggest that if botk parents are available, you do this together. If not, do so by yourself. It is important for you to choose your own words, but you may want to say something like: “We now realize that God called us as parents to bless your marriage. We did not do so. Instead we spoke words of death over your marriage. God has shown us that in so doing we sinned against you. Can you find it in your heart to forgive us? [Wait for an answer.] If you would allow us, we would now like to bless your marriage.”

2. 당신의 자녀와 만나고 당신이 그의 결혼을 축복하지 않은 것을 이 정하고 그의 용서를 구하라.

 

나는 만일 부모들 양쪽이 유용하다면 당신이 이것을 함께 하기를 제안한다. 그렇지 않으면 당신이 홀로 그것을 하라. 당신이 자신의 언어를 선택하는 것이 중요하지만 당신은 다음과 같은 것을 말하기를 원해도 좋다 “부모들이 너의 결혼을 축복할 때 하나님께서 우리를 부르셨다는 것을 우리는 지금 깨닫는다. 우리는 그렇게 하지 않았다. 대신에 우리는 너의 결혼 위에 죽음의 말들을 했다. 우리에게 그렇게 함으로써 우리가 너를 대하여 죄를 지었다는 것을 하나님께서 보여주셨다. 너는 네 마음 안에서 그것을 발견하고 우리를 용서할 수 있니? 만일 네가 우리에게 허용한다면 우리는 지금 너의 결혼을 축복하기를 원한다.”

 3. Now bless your child, his spouse, and their marriage.

I suggest that you pray over your child and his spouse together. You may pray something similar to this:

 Father, this day we accept the marriage of [your child’s name] and [your child's spouse's name]. We bless this marriage and declare that you shall prosper in your marriage and in every area of your life together. You shall fulfill your God-given destiny as a couple and shall find great fulfillment in accomplishing your purpose together. We declare that [your child’s name] is a wonderful husband/wife and will be used by God to bless his/her wife/husband. We declare that you shall prosper in your relationship with each other We declare that you both shall be quick to forgive and bless each other. 

 You shall prosper in your physical health. The fruit of your womb shall prosper. Your children shall love God with all their hearts. We bless your work and your finances and declare that you shall prosper financially. You shall find great favor with your employer and your friends. This day we release you to leave your father and mother spiritually and emotionally and to be joined to your wife/husband to become one flesh in Christ. We love you, and this day webless you. We bless [your child’s spouse’s name], we bless your marriage, and we release you to fulfill all that God has called you to accomplish as a couple, in the mighty name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

3. 지금 당신의 자녀, 그의 배우자, 그리고 그들의 결혼을 축복하라.

 

나는 당신이 당신의 자녀와 그의 배우자 모두를 위하여 기도하기를 제안한다. 당신은 이와 같은 어떤 것을 기도해도 좋다.

 

하나님 아버지, 오늘 우리는 제 자녀 와 그의 배우자  의 결혼을 용납합니다. 우리는 이 결혼을 축복하고 네가 이 결혼 생활에서, 또 너의 삶의 모든 영역에서 함께 번성할 것을 선언한 다. 너는 하나님께서 너에게 주신 사명을 한 부부가 되어서 성취 할 것이고 너의 목적을 부부가 함께 성취함에 있어서 큰 성취를 이루어 낼 것이다. 우리는 네가 놀라운 아내/남편이고 너의 아내/ 남편을 축복하기 위하여 하나님께 쓰임 받을 것이라고 선언한다. 우리는 네가 서로의 관계에서 번성할 것이라고 선언한다. 우리는 너희 둘이 용서하고 서로 축복하기에 신속하리라고 선언한다. 너 는 육체의 건강에서 번성할 것이다. 너의 태의 열매가 번성할 것 이다. 너의 자녀들은 그들의 마음을 다하여 하나님을 사랑할 것이 다. 우리는 너의 하는 일과 너의 재정을 축복하고 네가 경제적으 로 번성할 것을 선언한다. 너는 너의 고용주와 친구들과의 관계에 서 큰 호의를 (favor) 발견할 것이다. 오늘 우리는 네가 그리스도 안에서 한 육체가 되기 위하여 네 아비와 엄마를 영적으로 정서적 으로 떠나 네 아내/남편에게 합하도록 너를 놓아준다. 우리는 너 를 사랑하고 오늘 너를 축복한다. 우리는 너의 배우자 를 축복한다. 우리는 너의 결혼을 축복하고 너를 놓아주어 하나님이 너를 부르시어 한 부부로서 성취하게 하신 모든 것을 완수하게 너 를 놓아준다. 예수 그리스도의 능하신 이름으로 기도합니다. 아멘.

If you realize you have not released your son or daughter emotionally

만일 당신이 당신의 아들이나 딸을 정서적으로 놓아주지 않았다고 깨닫는다면

 

1. Repent before God of not releasing your son or daughter 
You may want to pray something like this:

 Father, I recognize today that I have not emotionally released my child to be joined to his/her spouse. I recognize that this has hindered him/her from properly becoming one with his/her spouse.Today I repent of keeping [your child's name] in emotional and spiritual bondage to me.I ask You to forgive me for not releasing him/her sooner. I receive Your forgiveness. Right now, in the name of Jesus Christ,
I release [your child’s name] to leave me spiritually and emotionally and to be joined to his/her spouse.
I bless [your child's name]’s marriage and declare that these two shall become one flesh and shall prosper in Jesus’s name, amen.

1. 당신의 아들이나 딸을 놓아주지 않은 것에 대해 하나님 앞에 회개 하라.

당신은 아래와 같이 기도하기를 원해도 좋다.

 

하나님 아버지, 저는 오늘 제 자녀가 그의 배우자와 합하게 제가 정서적으로 놓아주지 않은 것을 인정합니다. 저는 이것이 그 의 배우자와 적합하게 하나 되게 하는 것을 방해했다고 인정합니 다. 오늘 저는 저의 자녀 를 저에게 정서적으로 영적으로 묶어 둔 것을 회개합니다. 제가 그 자녀를 더 빨리 놓아주지 않 음을 인하여 주께서 저를 용서하시기를 구합니다. 저는 당신의 용 서를 받습니다. 바로 지금 예수 그리스도의 이름으로 저는 제 자 녀가 영적으로 정서적으로 나를 떠나 그의 배우자에게 합하도록 놓아줍니다. 저는 제 자녀의 결혼을 축복하고 그들 부부가 한 육 체가 되고 번성할 것을 선언합니다. 예수 이름으로 기도합니다. 아멘.

 

2. Meet with your child and ask him to forgive you.

  Again, I suggest that if both parents are available, you do this together. If not, do so by yourself. It is important for you to choose your own words,but you may want to saysomething
like this:  “We now realize that we have not spiritually and emotionally released you to be joined to your wife/husband. Will you please forgive us?[Wait for an answer] We would now like to release you and bless you to be joined to your wife/husband.”

2. 당신의 자녀와 만나고 그에게 용서를 구하라.

다시 나는 제안한다. 만일 부모들 양쪽이 유용하다면 당신은 이것을 함께 하라. 그렇지 않다면 당신 혼자서 그렇게 하라. 당신이 당신 자신의 언어를 선택하는 것은 중요하다. (역자 첨부: 위에 적은 기도 말고 자신의 기도의 언어를 의미함). 그러나 당신이 아래와 같은 것을 말하기를 원해도 좋다. “우리는 영적으로 정서적으로 네가 네 배우자와 결합하게 놓아주지 않았다는 것을 지금 깨닫는다. 우리를 용서해주겠니? [대답을 기다리라]. 우리는 지금 너를 놓아주기를 좋아하고 너의 배우자에게 네가 합하게 너를 축복한다.

 

3. Bless your child and his spouse now and their marriage together.

3. 당신의 자녀와 배우자를 지금 축복하고 그들의 결혼도 함께 축복 하라.

당신은 위에 대략 써놓은 것과 같이 당신의 결혼한 자녀들을 위해 축복을 말하기를 원해도 좋다.

You may wish to speak ablessing over your married chil­ dren like the one outlined above.

 

 

PREVENTATIVE PRAYERS TO RELEASE THE BLESSING

축복을 방출하기 위한 예방적인 기도들

 

Bless your child on his wedding day to release him to be joined to his spouse and to bless his marriage. 

You may want to pray something like this over your child:

당신의 자녀의 결혼식 날 그를 놓아주어 그 배우자에게 합하도록 하고 그의 결혼을 축복하도록 당신 자녀를 축복하라. 당신은 당신 자녀를 위해 이와 같은 어떤 것을 기도하기를 원해도 좋다.

 

 [Your child’s name],today on your wedding day we are so proud of you.God has prepared you for this day and for your life as a married man/woman. You have everything you need to be a wonderful husband/wife. Today, as your parents, we release you spiritually and emotionally and bless you to bejoined to [your child;s spouse's name], to begin anew family and to become one flesh in Christ. We promise to stand with you and to fight for your covenant of marriage all the days of your life. We pray God’s richest blessing over your life together.

 야, 오늘 너의 결혼식 날 우리는 네가 너무 자랑스럽다. 하나 님께서 오늘을 위해 너를 준비하셨고 결혼한 남자/여자로서 너의 삶 을 위해서 준비하셨단다. 너는 훌륭한 남편/아내가 되기 위해 필요한 모든 것을 갖고 있다. 오늘 너의 부모로서 우리는 너를 영적으로 또 정서적으로 놓아주고 네가 너의 배우자  에게 합하고 또 새로 이 가정을 시작하고 그리스도 안에서 한 육체가 되기를 시작하게 너 를 축복한다. 우리는 너와 함께 서서 너의 평생 너의 결혼의 언약을 위해 싸울 것을 약속한다. 우리는 너희의 함께 하는 삶 위에 하나님 의 가장 풍성한 복을 빈다.

For a daughter, you may wish to address the groom and release your daughter to him as his wife. The father may also want to say, “I have protected and covered [your daughter’s name] in spiritual authority all of her life until this day.

Today I turn that responsibility over to you. We charge you to love [your daughter’s name], cherish her, to protect her, and provide for her, even as Christ does for His bride, the church. We promise to pray for you and your marriage regularly. We are delighted to receive you in to our family and to call you our son-in-law?”

딸을 위해서는 당신이 신랑에게 말하기를 원해도 좋고 당신의 딸을 그의 아내로서 그에게 놓아주라. 아버지는 또한 이렇게 말하기를 원해도 좋다. “나는 오늘까지 내 딸의 사는 동안 영적 권위 안에서 보호하고 감싸왔다. 오늘 나는 그 책임을 너에게 넘긴다. 우리는 네가 내 딸을 사랑하고 소중히 여기고 보호하고 필요한 것을 공급하되 마치 그리스도께서 그의 신부인 교회를 위해 하신 것처럼 하기를 맡긴다 (We charge you to love . .). 우리는 너와 너의 결혼생활을 위해 규칙적으로 기도하기를 약속한다. 우리는 너를 우리 가정 안으로 받아들이고 너를 사위라고 부르니 즐거워진다.”
 

 A father may also want to affirm his son,telling him,“Son, on this your wedding day we are proud to call you our son.
You are prepared in every way to be a great husband, to lead your family spiritually,emotionally, andfinancially.

We have every confidence that you will succeed and prosper as a husband, a father, and a man.”

You may then wish to declare the following blessing over your child and his or her future spouse:

아버지는 또한 그의 아들에게 (사위) 확언하기를 원해도 좋다. 이같이 말하면서, “아들아, 너의 결혼일, 이날 우리는 너를 우리 아들이라고 부르는 게 자랑스럽다. 너는 모든 길에 준비가 되어 위대한 남편이 되고, 너의 가정을 영적으로 정서적으로 경제적으로 이끌기에 준비되어 있다.

우리는 네가 성공하고 한 남편으로서, 한 아버지로서, 한 남자로서 번성할 것이라는 모든 확신을 갖고 있다.”

당신은 당신의 자녀와 그 딸의 미래 배우자를 위해 다음 축복을 선언하기를 원해도 좋다.

 

 We bless your marriage and declare that you shall prosper in every area of your life together. You shall fulfill your God-given destiny as a couple and find great fulfillment in accomplishing your purpose together. We declare that you will be used by God to bless your wife/husband. We declare that you shall prosper in your relationship with each other. We declare that you both shall be quick to forgive and bless each other.

You shall prosper in your physical health.The  fruit of your womb shall prosper.Your children shall love God with all their hearts. We bless your work and your finances and declare that you shall prosper financially. You shall find great favor with your employer and your friends. We love you, and this day we bless you. We bless [your child’s spouse's name], we bless your marriage, and we release you to fulfill all that God has called you to accomplish as a couple, in the mighty name of Jesus Christ. Amen!

우리는 너의 결혼을 축복하고 네가 네 배우자와 함께 네 삶의 모든 영역에서 번성할 것을 선언한다. 너는 하나님이 네게 주신 사명을 한 부부로서 성취할 것이고 너의 목적을 함께 성취함에 있어서 큰 성취 를 발견할 것이다. 우리는 네가 하나님께 쓰임을 받아 너의 아내/남 편을 축복할 것이라고 선언한다. 우리는 네가 서로의 인간관계에서 번성할 것을 선포한다. 우리는 너희 둘 모두 용서하고 서로 축복하는 데 민첩할 것을 선언한다.

너는 육체의 건강에서 번성할 것이다. 네 태의 열매는 번성할 것 이다. 너희 자녀들은 전심으로 하나님을 사랑할 것이다. 우리는 너의 일과 너의 경제를 축복하고 네가 경제적으로 번성할 것을 선언한다. 너는 너의 고용주와 너의 친구들과 더불어 큰 호의를 발견할 것이다. 우리는 너를 사랑한다. 그리고 오늘 우리는 너를 축복한다. 우리는 너의 배우자를 축복한다. 우리는 너의 결혼을 축복하고 너를 놓아주 어 너희가 한 부부로서 하나님이 성취하라고 너를 부르신 모든 일을 성취하게 한다. 예수 그리스도의 능하신 이름으로 기도합니다. 아멘.