Section (2-1) of Ch.2. (The Power of a Parent’s Blessing)

CONTROL VS. AUTHORITY

 While it is important to have specific, regular times of blessing, such as at a weekly meal, it is equally important for parents to establish a general atmosphere of blessing rather than cursing in their home. In order to do this, parents must learn how to separate their children's identity from their behavior. This is  particularly important when the need to discipline arises.

 I remember one of the first times the Lord showed me that I was about to curse my son rather than bless him when I needed to administer discipline. My youngest son, Jonathan, was four years old, and I was in my first year of being a pastor. After a wonderful church service I walked out into the foyer, and there was Jonathan's Sunday school teacher standing there with Jonathan.

 She greeted me and said, "Pastor, we had a little problem with Jonathan in the class this morning. I asked him to do something, and he told me no. I asked again, and he told me no again, but then called me a very obscene name. We took care of the problem in the class, but I thought you as his father would want to know."

 I felt my face turning three shades of red. I was thinking, "How could he do this to me? The teacher probably thinks this is how we speak in our home." Then I immediately thought of 1 Timothy 3:5, a scripture regarding the requirements for Christian elders and ministers. It says, "If a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?" I thought, "My ministry is over! My son is out of control, and I have to resign."
I felt a huge rush of shame and embarrassment, which was soon followed by anger. I thought, "I'll spank Jonathan right here, right now, and show this teacher I am a good father and that I think this is very serious." But as I moved toward Jonathan, the Holy Spirit stopped me and asked, "What are you doing?"
"I'm disciplining my son," I said.
 "No, you're not. You are about to become Satan's agent and curse his identity."
"What?" I replied, "No, Jonathan did something wrong, and he needs discipline. And as his father, I am the appointed and anointed agent to administer that discipline."

 The Lord then said to me, "That is true, but at this particular moment you are disqualified." "Disqualified? Why?" I argued.
The Lord then reminded me of Matthew 7:3, which says in essence, before you try to remove the speck from your brother's eye, remove the beam from your own eye. The Lord then said to me, "You have such a large beam in your own eye, you can't see clearly to remove the speck from your son's eye. You don't want to discipline him for his benefit. Your heart is filled with anger, and you want to discipline him to justify yourself in the eyes of the teacher and to vent your wrath on him for embarrassing you."

 The Lord went on to say to me, "Because you feel like a failure as a father, you are going to take all your frustration out on your little son and through your anger make him feel worse than you do. You are about to impart to your son the devil's message. Satan's anti-gospel message connects value to performance, while My gospel disconnects value from performance.
 "Satan's antigospel says, 'If you obey and do right, I'll love, value, and bless you. But if you disobey and do wrong, I'll withhold love, take your value, and curse you.' You were about to curse your son's identity because he used an obscene word and embarrassed you."

 The Lord continued, "My gospel says this, 'If you obey and do right, I'll love, value, and bless you. However, if you disobey and do wrong, I'll still love, value, and bless you. But I will also discipline your behavior with a consequence appropriate to your wrong choice. Yet My love and value for you never changes no matter what you do.' This is the message I want you to convey to your son."

 This was a shocking revelation to me, and I didn't understand what was happening in my heart. I asked the Lord, "Why am I so embarrassed and angry at Jonathan?"

 I immediately heard Him say, "Son, this is because you still don't really believe that I love you and that your value in My sight is not dependent upon your performance. You have to do everything perfectly in order to feel valuable, and now you have extended that same lie to your son. If he sins or makes a mistake, then you feel like a worthless father and blame him for discrediting you. So in reality your emotional well-being is now dependent upon the behavior of a four-year-old boy.

"Responsibility for the emotional well-being of another person would be a pretty heavy burden to place on an adult, but to make a four-year-old responsible for your emotional state is totally unfair to him. If he behaves properly, you feel valuable and OK emotionally. But if he misbehaves, you feel worthless and angry, so you blame him for those feelings, curse his identity, and make him feel more worthless than you do. In so doing, you become an agent spreading Satan's antigospel to your son."