CEREMONY
The time of instruction, which may last several months to a year, is meant to culminate in a blessing ceremony that releases the son or daughter into adulthood. Ihis ceremony helps to create an emotional closure to childhood. As I mentioned earlier, this ceremony is no small thing and should be treated like a very important event. In Jewish culture this ceremony is frequently made as high a priority as a wedding. In his book Raising a Modern-Day Knight, Robert Lewis outlines four key components of a significant blessing ceremony.
1. It is costly. Something that costs you nothing conveys little value. King David wanted to erect an altar to the Lord on the threshing floor of Araunah the Jebusite. Araunah offered to give his threshing floor to the king, but David told Araunah, "'No, but I will surely buy it from you for a price, for I will not offer burnt offerings to the LORD my God which cost me nothing.' So David bought the threshing floor and the oxen for fifty shekels of silver" (2 Sam. 24:24). David understood that the expenditure of money conveys value. I am not suggesting that you must spend tens of
thousands of dollars on the blessing ceremony, but I do believe that the expenditure should be significant.
2. It ascribes value to the individual. By "making a big deal" out of the blessing ceremony, you are telling your child, "You are important. This moment is important.“
3. It should employ meaningful symbols. There should be a tangible token that your child will keep to mark the bar
barakah. This may be a ring or locket, an article of clothing, a certificate, or some other physical token. Some primitive people groups would make permanent marks on their bodies when they passed through a meaningful ceremony. I
personally believe that much of the body piercing among young people today is due to a lack of a father's blessing to
release them into their adult identity. For many young people body piercings and tattoos are simply an expression of
the legitimate need for a unique, visible token of manhood/womanhood that was never properly given by a father.
4. It empowers the life with vision. A memorable ceremony creates a moment of transition. It conveys in a powerful
way the message, "Your life will never be the same. You are entering a new season."This happened for Jesus when
He was baptized in the Jordan River. It happens for a Jewish son at his bar mitzvah ceremony, and it happens for
every married couple at the wedding ceremony. We want to convey to our children at their blessing ceremony, "Your
life will be totally different from now on. You will never be a little boy/girl again.“
A tradition that has become popular in some congregations is a weekend father-son retreat in the woods. This is to release and welcome the sons into the community of men. Some communities also like including a "princess ball" as a part of the ceremony to release their daughters into womanhood. I believe these kinds of events are quite valuable, as it is important to pursue the journey into manhood or womanhood in community with others. It also is important to spread the culture of blessing beyond your own family and into the community of believers.
It is beyond the scope of this book to go into more detail about the ceremony itself. If you would like more specific instruction on how to plan a blessing ceremony, you may want to read my book Bar Barakah: A Parent's Guide to a Christian Bar Mitzvah.
I believe the ceremony should include commitments from the child as well as blessings from the parents, particularly the father. Below I will include several sample commitments and blessings that I believe are wise to include in the ceremony.
These samples were modified from the actual ones my wife and I used with our two sons, Josh and Johnny, in their blessing ceremonies. These commitments can be adapted for use with either a son or daughter.
Sample commitments to be made by the child
1. I commit the rest of my life to the Lord Jesus Christ. My desire is for Him to make me the man/woman He wants me to be.
2. I commit to live my life, as God gives me His grace, in a manner that is pleasing to Him, embracing the Bible as my
absolute standard for faith and conduct and the basis for all decisions I make in my life.
3. I commit as a single young man/woman to relate to women/men in a pure and godly way. I choose to conduct my
relationships with women/men in accordance with the principles of godly friendships and partnership as opposed to
dating. (I will discuss this concept at length in chapter 9.)
4. As I am released today as a man/woman, I commit to continue to honor the authority of my parents and to view them
as God's primary instruments of character growth and development in my life.
5. I commit to recognize money as a gift from God rather than something I have earned. As such, I commit to the godly stewardship of all financial resources God may choose to make available to me. I specifically renounce the spirit of
mammon and choose to make Jesus Christ the source of my financial provision from this day forward.
6. I choose to honor all legitimate authority in my life. I commit to honor the authority of my parents, teachers, pastors,
and civil authorities. I specifically renounce the attitude or lifestyle of independence and rebellion, and I choose to live
my life as a free man/woman, abiding under authority and exercising authority.
7. My favorite scripture up to this point in my life is
Sample commitments to be made by parents
1. We commit to continue to teach you God's principles of life.
2. We commit to continue to love you. There is nothing you can ever do that will cause us not to love you. You will always
be our son/daughter.
3. We commit to make it a priority to be available to you for counsel in any area of your life at any time. We will listen to
you without judgment or condemnation and do everything within our power to cooperate with God in blessing your life.
4. We commit to pray for you regularly. We will continue to pray for God's will to be accomplished in your life and for you
to fulfill your destiny in Him.
5. We commit to partner with you in prayer regarding God's choice and timing in a wife/husband for you. We agree to
protect you from any woman/man not sent by God to be your wife/husband.
6. We commit to continue to honor you with open communication and understanding. As God gives us grace, we will
attempt to always separate identity from behavior so as to honor you as a person even when your behavior requires
discipline.
7. We commit to continue to apply age-appropriate, godly discipline to your life, as the Lord directs, for character
development and training to fulfill your destiny as long as you remain in our home.
Sample prayer of a father's blessing
Many people have asked me for a sample of the father's blessing to be prayed over a child in a blessing ceremony. Obviously there is no standard prayer, as each parent must pray as the Holy Spirit leads. However, in order to give you some direction, I have enclosed the following guidelines and sample prayer of blessing.
A sample blessing to pray over a young person at the bar/ bat barakah ceremony should include at least the following five components:
1. A confirmation of gender identity
2. A release into manhood or womanhood
3. A calling forth of positive character qualities
4. A proclamation of any prophetic words that have been given over the son or daughter
5. A pronouncement of specific personal blessing of the father and mother to the child
The blessing a father would pray over his son, Bob, might sound something like this:
Father God, I thank You for my son, Bob. Bob, you are no longer a little boy. Today you have become a man. You are well equipped with everything you need to fulfill your destiny as a man of God. Before the foundation of the earth God Almighty planned for you to be a man. lhere is nothing that you will ever need to do to become a man because God has made you one. Today we are simply recognizing publicly what God has done in you.
Also note specific character qualities in the child, for example:
Bob, I have noticed that God has made you very intelligent. He has also given you a gift of articulate speech and an ability to take complicated concepts and make them simple for others to understand. I believe the Lord will use you powerfully to teach His Word to others. You also are a peacemaker. I notice that when yourfriends are at odds with one another, Godfrequently gives you just the right words to help them reconcile. I believe God will use you greatly in these areas of reconciliation and teaching.
Son, I am so glad that God has given you to our family. You are a wonderful son. I love you! Today I am so proud ofyou. I bless you with wisdom from God, with emotional security, with sexual purity, and marital fidelity. May God continue to prosper you in all that you do, and may you serve the Lord Jesus Christ all the days of your life. Today I loose youfrom being your mother's little boy, and I release to you the authority and responsibility of manhood. Bob, today before God and these witnesses, as your father I declare that you are a man. I love you, son, and I release you to fulfill your destiny
in Christ.
CELEBRATION
No ceremony is complete without a party afterward to celebrate. This bar/bat barakah celebration could be much like a wedding reception. Again, I will make some suggestions, but you need to design a reception for your child appropriate to your own culture. Most people do not need much instruction on how to have a party.
I believe this reception should be at the same type of venue you would hold a wedding reception. You may wish to serve dinner or just light refreshments. In any case, you may want to have a cake to honor your son/daughter. It is entirely appropriate for the guests to bless the young man or woman with gifts or money (perhaps toward future education or missions trips). You may also want to have a praise and worship band present to provide music.
After the guests have eaten and fellowshipped for a while, you may want to open the floor to allow the guests to further bless your child. Perhaps you will want to speak some more informal words of blessing, or you may want to ask specific individuals to share a scripture, prophetic word, prayer, poem, song, or story about your child. It is important that anything shared serve to bless and edify your child. Stories or words that embarrass, belittle, or shame would not be appropriate.
Remember that everything I have shared in this Blessing Toolbox is just a boilerplate from which you may develop your own blessing tradition in your family and community. It is far less important how you do it than that you do it. So
I encourage you not to spend too much time trying to get it
"just right." Ask God how He wants you to bless your children, and He will direct you.
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