Section (4-3) of Ch.2. (The Power of a Parent’s Blessing)

 “Great," Kurt replied. "In any case, neither your mom nor I will harass you about it. How and when you do it is your choice. However, there will be consequences to your choices. You may choose to make sure the trash gets out by the time you leave on Wednesday morning. The consequence of that choice is that we will all live trash-free for the next week. Or you could choose to not get the trash out by the time you leave. The consequence of that choice is that you will have to take personal responsibility for the trash that was not removed. Do you understand?"

 Cathy did not fully understand what her father was telling her, but she liked her parents' new attitude and was glad her
mom promised not to yell at her about the trash anymore. So she said, "Sure, Dad, that's fine."
"One last thing," Emily added. "We highly recommend that you take out the trash on time. I think it will be much more pleasant for you, and you will enjoy it more."
Cathy replied, "OK, Mom."

 The next Tuesday evening Cathy chose to collect and take out the trash before she got ready for bed. Emily was pleased and thought their talk had done some good. However, the next week Emily found Cathy in her pajamas and on her iPad late Tuesday evening, and the trash had not been collected or taken out. This time Emily was at peace, as she realized that it was not her responsibility to "control" Cathy. She had given Cathy clear choices. Instead of yelling at her daughter, Emily went into Cathy's room and kissed her good night. All she said was, "Remember, sweetie, tomorrow is trash day."

 Cathy's reply was, "I know, Mom. I'll do it in the morning." Emily said good night and went on about her evening. The next morning, of course, Cathy got up late. She had no time to deal with the trash; she just grabbed a piece of toast and ran out of the house at the last moment to get to school. Emily was completely at peace, as again she realized that it was not her job to control Cathy. It was her job to give the command— the instruction—and apply the consequence. God was the only one who could change Cathy.

 When Cathy got home from school that afternoon, she greeted her mom on the way to her room. She was feeling a bit guilty because she knew she had not taken out the trash that morning. Cathy was sort of expecting her mom to yell at her about it, but Emily was pleasant. She didn't say a thing about the trash; she just asked Cathy about her day at school. Cathy was a little shocked by her mom's calm demeanor. "Maybe she really has changed," Cathy thought.
After the brief exchange with her mom Cathy went upstairs
to her room. Then about twenty seconds later she came running back down with a horrified look on her face. "Mom, there are five bags of trash sitting on the floor in my room!" she exclaimed.

 "I know," Emily said calmly. "Remember the conversation we had about choices and consequences?"
"Yes," Cathy said, "but why are there five bags of trash in the middle of my floor?"

 "Well, as you remember, we explained that there would be a consequence to each choice. You chose to not take out the trash on time. We explained to you that if you made that choice, you would have to take personal responsibility for the trash. Since you chose not to take the trash out in time for it to be taken away, it is only fair that you keep the trash in your space until next week. None of the rest of us are responsible for the trash or want it in our space."
"But Mom!" Cathy cried. "It stinks, and it takes up half my room."

 "I'm so sorry, honey," Emily said. "I know it is not pleasant. This is why we highly recommended that you take out the trash. We thought you would enjoy the consequence more. But you chose the other option. That means until next Tuesday evening you'll have to keep the trash in your room. I want you to know, sweetheart, that we're not doing this because we're angry with you. We love you very much. You're our daughter. You're beautiful, you're smart, and God has an incredible destiny for your life. But you made your choice, and this is the consequence. God bless you, sweetie. Have a good night."

 That was the last time Cathy failed to take the trash out before she left for school on Wednesday mornings. Kurt and Emily learned how to offer choices that have clear consequences, but to let Cathy choose rather than try to control and manipulate her by yelling and threatening her. When they used God's system of governance, they had to apply the
consequence for the wrong choice only once. Had they continued to use Satan's system, they would have had to nag Cathy almost every week to get her to take out the trash.

 This was the first of many experiences that helped rebuild a healthy relationship between Cathy and her parents. Exercising authority that honors a person's free will while applying consequences for wrong choices can totally change the atmosphere in your home, even if you never before experienced this kind of parenting yourself. God's system of governance works!