Section (2) of Ch.7. (The Power of a Parent’s Blessing)

Irrational Fear of Abandonment

 

 The Physical presence of a mother who comforts and meets her child’s needs is a powerful form of blessing. Sometimes the enemy uses even the unavoidable absence of a mother to impart his message deep into the heart of a small child. Understanding this, it is important that we be alert to the devil’s schemes and disarm them as soon as we can. More than once I have seen an irrational fear of abandonment sown deep into the heart of a small child simply through the legitimate unavailability of a mother at a traumatic moment in life.

One of the first times I encountered this was when praying for a woman I’ll call Jill. She said she frequently experienced an intense, irrational fear of abandonment and of not being cared for or protected. Jill was married to a wonderful, godly husband. However, her husband frequently traveled for business. Many times when Jill’s husband would be preparing to leave on a business trip, she would beg him not to go. Jill would tell him, “I’m so afraid you won’t come back. The plane might crash, and you could be killed. Or you might be kidnapped.” Trying to comfort her, Jill’s husband would cite statistics on the safety of modern aviation. He would reminded her of how frequently he traveled and that he always returned.

 

 No matter how her husband tried to comfort her, Jill was still terrified every time he left. At times Jill also was fearful that her husband was having an affair and would leave her for someone else. This was extremely hurtful and frustrating for her husband, as he had never even been interested in another woman, nor had he given his wife reason to doubt his commitment to her. Again, no matter how her husband tried, neither reason nor prayer would allay Jill’s fear.

Jill and her husband explained their situation to me during a Blessing Generations Experience. The team and I felt led to simply ask the Lord to show Jill when this fear of abandonment began. After waiting on the Lord for just a few seconds, Jill began to shake with fear and cry uncontrollably. When we asked her what she was experiencing, Jill told us the Holy Spirit had reminded her of a terrifying experience that she endured at five years old.

 

 Jill had been taken to the hospital because she needed surgery to correct a serious heart condition. She remembered having significant apprehension just from the concern her parents expressed about the surgery, but this was not the worst part. Jill’s parents were not allowed to stay with her in the hospital overnight, so when evening came, all they could do was reassure her that everything would be fine that night and then go home.

Soon after her parents left, an intense fear hit Jill’s heart. Here she was five years old with a serious medical condition, not knowing whether she was going to live or die, left in an unfamiliar place. She was terrified all night long and felt abandoned and unloved by her parents. The terror worsened through the night as Jill experienced strange noises, unusual smells, and unfamiliar constantly poking her with needles and putting things in her mouth, nose, and ears.

 

The heart of this five-year-old girl was crying out, “Where’s my dad? Where’s my mom? Don’t they care about me? Don’t they love me? I’m all alone. All the people I love and in whom I have trusted have abandoned me!” The enemy then took advantage of this circumstance to impart an emotional lie deep into Jill’s heart, telling her, “The reason your parents aren’t here is that they don’t love or care about you. You are not important to them, and they will never come back to help you. You’re abandoned, and nobody will ever take care of you.”

 

 When Jill’s parents returned the next morning, they had no idea the terror she had lived through the night. They reassured her that they were there now and all would be well, but the damage had been done. The enemy had sown a “virus” of irrational fear of abandonment deep into Jill’s heart that persisted on into adulthood.

 

After the Lord brought this experience back to Jill’s memory, we were able to ask her to confess the deep feelings of fear to the Lord. We then asked Him what He had wanted to impart to her that night in the hospital when she was a little girl. That day Jill had an amazing encounter with the living, resurrected Lord Jesus Christ, who began to speak His truth to her. He removed the deep-seated fear and replaced it with total peace and security in His love. Perfect loves casts out fear (1 John 4:18). Jill later reported to us that since that time of ministry, she has never again experienced the fear of her husband being killed or not returning from a business trip. Nor has she been afraid that he would leave her for another woman.

Jill’s experience again emphasizes the power of a parent’s presence, touch, and comfort to bless the identity of a small child and bring a settled sense of peace and security. Even when it is no fault of the parents, the enemy can use their absence to impart a deep fear into the child’s heart. This is not something to be worried about but only to be aware of. Had Jill’s parents realized the emotional trauma she experienced as a little girl that night in the hospital, they could have prayed for her immdediately after the experience and removed the emotional lie and helped her open her heart to receive truth from the Lord. Such prayer would have spared her the pain of having ongoing fear of abandonment in her adult life.

 

God’s Protective Measures

In Ancient Hebrew Culture

 

Like all the other critical times of blessing in a child’s life, God gave us a model for blessing our children at infancy and early childhood within ancient Hebrew culture. I have identified four protective measures God placed within biblical Hebrew culture to ensure children were blessed and not cursed at infancy and early childhood.

 

1. The mother made the infant her top priority in life, not putting ministry, work outside the home, or anything else ahead 

    of the physical and emotional care of her children.

 

2. Children were weaned from breast-feeding at a later age, creating in the child a greater dependence upon the mother 

    and an ability to trust another person to meet their needs.

 

3. The cultural view of marriage as a covenant and children as a blessing from the Lord created a stable environment in        which the care and support of children was a priority in the family.

 

4. The regular practice of honoring the Sabbath as a family allowed parents to bless their children weekly throughout

    their growing-up years.

 

 I have already explained how the four attitudes and cultural practices mentioned above contributed to the impartation of blessing to small children. However, in today’s Western culture we see the opposite of theses ocurring. Many mothers are very busy with activities outside the home that make her unavailable to her child in early childhood. In addition, most mothers who breast-feed their infants will wean the baby within the first few months and work to make the child quite independent at an early age.

 

 In many families children are not really considered a blessing from the Lord. Parents may resent the fact that their time and energy must be diverted from making money, pursuing ministry, or some other significant activity to care for a small child. Since we have no regular time of weekly family blessing like the honoring of the Sabbath in ancient Hebrew culture, many children today never hear that their parents are pleased with them and believe they can succeed in life. Instead, with no regular time of blessing, children hear mostly words of correction and disappointment from their parents. In early childhood especially, the primary words children hear from their parents are: “No,” “Stop that,” “Shame on you,” “Bad boy/girl,” and “Don’t do that!”

 

 Imagine how much easier it would be to impart blessing to our children in infancy and early childhood if we were to reestablish in our families and communities some of the protective measures mentioned above. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if some of these practices from ancient Hebrew culture became “normal” to our children and grandchildren by the time they have their own children? It is possible. You can leave a legacy of blessing for your family. The blessing Toolbox will show you how.